Grandmother Begs Daughter Not To Have Another Child Because She ‘Never Agreed To A Lifetime Of Raising Their Kids'
Pressmaster / Shutterstock In her request for advice, one grandmother explained that for the last five years, she and her husband have been their daughter's unpaid "full-time childcare," to allow their daughter to continue working full-time, and "afford their comfortable life."
As childcare costs continue to rise, it's nothing short of a blessing to have family members and friends to offer to step in when needed. However, this grandmother has refused to provide childcare for her daughter, who is considering having a third child. After an argument over the issue, the grandmother wondered whether or not she was in the wrong.
The grandmother has provided full-time childcare for her daughter's two children for five years.
"Our arrangement worked, and we enjoyed having the kids," the grandmom admitted, but noted that she began feeling taken advantage of around the third year of their agreement when her daughter and son-in-law both began working from home during 2020.
Studio Romantic | Shutterstock
She revealed that things only got more contentious as the parents initially wanted their kids to stay with the grandparents instead of going to school, and then asked the grandparents to watch them for a week while the two parents went on vacation because taking the two kids would be too expensive.
According to the grandmother's post, it appears as though retaining financial stability is her daughter and son-in-law's first priority. Which is why, when her daughter revealed to her that she was planning on having another baby, she was shocked.
The grandmother 'begged her to reconsider' having a third child if she planned on them being free full-time childcare again.
"I asked her what her childcare plan was and she looked at me like I was crazy and said us!" the grandmother wrote about the moment she found out about the baby planning. "I then told her that we were not a viable childcare option for a new baby and begged her to reconsider."
Her daughter then accused her of "making her choose between her dream of three kids and financial stability."
The daughter's concern is valid, as Care.com CEO Brad Wilson has said, "Within the first five years of their child’s life, parents are being forced into a financial hole that is nearly impossible to climb out of.” However, as the grandmother told her daughter, they already have "two beautiful children, and they are financially stable," and "shouldn't ruin that with another baby."
"We feel like we are getting our days back to some extent and refuse to start all over again with an infant," the grandmother wrote. "I never agreed to a lifetime of raising their kids."
It's not uncommon for grandparents to care for their grandchildren, but it can be costly.
Many grandparents love spending time with their grandkids, but it's important for families to set and abide by boundaries to keep their own relationships and financial wellness intact. A Fortune report noted that over 40% of parents rely on their own parents to take care of their kids, and, more often than not, it's at the expense of the grandparents' time and financial security.
fast-stock | Shutterstock
People agreed that the grandparents are justified in refusing to provide full-time childcare to another kid, especially without being asked first. One person commented, "Choosing to have a child means thinking about childcare. It’s insane that OP’s daughter and SIL decided unilaterally without asking if OP and spouse were open to childcare to watch another infant before actively trying for a new baby."
Thankfully, the grandmother provided an update that suggested the family was able to work it out. She explained that she expressed feeling blindsided by the announcement of another baby and feeling underappreciated, given everything she’s done, while her daughter revealed that she’s been the one pushing for another child, while her husband is hesitant but not entirely against it.
After some more talking, her daughter agreed that she was right and planned to talk to her husband about having another baby, with the caveat that the child would be in daycare full-time. She also agreed to speak with her husband about enrolling her kids in a before/aftercare program to alleviate her parents from the responsibility of constantly taking care of the kids.
Ashley Darkwa-Anto is a writer who covers relationships, culture, and human interest topics.
