Gen-Z And Millennial Women Say These 5 Factors Are Changing How They Feel About Having Kids
Lehandross | Pexels A traditional American narrative has maintained that motherhood is the desire, obligation, and correct path for all women. As a result, women are often pressured by relatives, media, friends, and numerous religions to have kids in ways that others are not. But Gen-Z and millennial women are pushing back.
The notion that some women wish to reject motherhood is relatively new, and it still leads many women to experience shame. Yet a growing number of younger women are making this choice anyway, and everyone deserves to hear why. I believe we deserve to hear multiple perspectives on the matter in order to ensure empathy for those who take a route that deviates from the norm while providing women with the autonomy to choose.
Women should feel pride, not guilt, for doing what is best for them. I interviewed eight Gen-Z and millennial women who either do not want kids, feel hesitant to have children, or want kids but have fears.
Gen-Z and millennial women say these factors are changing how they feel about having kids:
1. They need to heal their own childhood wounds first
Kerry, 27, writes, “I’m taking care of myself and my inner child. I don’t feel a call to motherhood, so they would feel more like a big job than a blessing. It’s hard to raise kids, and little things out of a parent’s control can hurt them.”
Nearly 80% of studies, parents who experienced childhood adversity went on to have lower quality interactions with their own kids. When you see the research backs up what you already feel in your gut, it makes sense to want to do your own healing first.
2. They're worried about the future of the planet
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Anne, 23, writes, “I don’t want to contribute to the growing population where the number of people outweighs what the earth can give.”
Bailey, 22, writes, “I don’t want a child to live their life knowing that the earth could 'die' at any moment. I don’t want to feel conflicted between my responsibilities as a parent and my responsibilities to the environment.”
The more worried people were about climate change, the fewer children they wanted, a 2023 study revealed. When the future of the planet feels that uncertain, choosing not to add to it starts to feel less like a radical stance and more like a thoughtful one.
3. They have personal dreams that need time and freedom
Hannah, 23, writes, “Independence. I want to be a high-level executive of a company. And many women do not get paid leave for the length of time needed to take care of a child. Many women also experience job discrimination, because employers assume you can’t be a parent and a worker.”
Sara, 26, writes, “I have spent most of my young years sacrificing myself for others. I finally learned to prioritize myself. When you’re a parent, you are no longer your #1 priority. I do not want a child, knowing it means 100% of my life will be about everyone but me. I want to help people as a doctor; I just won’t do it as a mother.”
Bailey, 22, writes, “I want to travel, get my PhD, and run my private practice. I’m not itching to get married, and I don’t want to pressure my partner to be a stay-at-home parent unless that’s what they want. I would want at least one parent to be a major part of a kid’s everyday life.”
4. The state of the world feels too unstable for parenthood
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Sara, 26, writes, “I’m scared my child will endure health problems or trauma. If I had a boy, I’d have to teach him about equality before I help him unlearn. Boys are shamed for being vulnerable, so I’d worry he wouldn’t open up. If I had a girl or non-binary child, I’d fear for their safety. The world is beautiful and terrifying. I’d rather support loved ones who are here, as my imaginary child’s future is unknown. I fear having a child, knowing deep down I do not want one with the responsibility of a life on me.”
Lily, 23, writes, “I find it irresponsible to bring a child into a world that is climatically unstable, politically tumultuous, and socially volatile. I don’t have the resources to give a child the best chance of becoming a healthy adult.”
Anne, 23, writes, “If my child is a girl, I don’t want her in a world that sees her as subhuman.”
Researchers at Ohio State University found that young women's certainty about wanting kids dropped significantly as anxieties around political instability, climate change, and inequality grew. These women are consumed by the fact that the world doesn't feel like a safe enough place to bring a child into right now.
5. They want kids in theory, but fear holds them back
Aliea, 25, writes, “I want kids one day. But I’m scared. I’ve heard horror stories of mothers dying in hospitals due to complications, not getting proper attention, people putting unrealistic expectations on mothers to be perfect all the time, and things like postpartum depression and psychosis women live with after having children.”
Mariah, 29, writes, “I always wanted kids, but my sister has cancer. I am scared that my child will get sick, too. It’s painful to love someone knowing that they can die any day.”
I know many women who say that having a child was the best decision of their lives. I also know many who know they do not wish to be mothers. Others feel unsure or want to be a parent, but have mixed feelings. This is ok too, even if our culture is catching up to agree.
All perspectives deserve to be heard, and the only reason we ever need to reject a choice that will forever alter our bodies and lives is that we don’t want to do it. “I don’t want to” is a reason, and it’s the only reason that anyone ever needs.
Suzanne is a doctoral candidate in psychology at Fordham University. She is passionate about gender issues, mental health, and cross-cultural psychology.
