If Your Kid Does These 6 Annoying Things, A Psychologist Says You’re Raising An Emotionally Intelligent Human
They may drive you crazy, but they're huge green flags.
dimaberlinphotos | Canva Pro Kids drive us all crazy. It's part of their whole deal! But when you spend all day with them, they're annoying habits can sometimes get less cute by the millisecond. So if you're a harried mom or dad out there, will it help to know that a lot of their most annoying traits are actually giant green flags?
According to Dr. Jazmine McCoy, a clinical psychologist, author of parenting books, and a mom of three, a handful of kids' most irritating habits are actually majorly good signs that indicate your kid is not only a smart cookie, but a deeply emotionally intelligent one as well. In a recent Instagram post, she delved into the more annoying parts of being a parent to expose what actually lies beneath many kids' irritating habits: a deep well of emotional intelligence that shows they're holding onto a wealth of skills that will serve them well in adulthood.
Some of them are the types of things that many of us adults were told were "no-nos" when we were kids. But Dr. McCoy said leaning into these bugaboos and using them as teaching tools can turn them into major growth edges for kids. Here are six examples she gave of "annoying" habits that are actually major assets.
The psychologist shared six annoying signs you're raising an emotionally intelligent kid:
1. Constantly asking 'why'
Odua Images | Canva Pro
They do this to annoy us, right? Nope! (Though it definitely IS annoying.) Dr. McCoy said this is actually kids' ways of parsing cause-and-effect and learning the relationship between actions and their reasons.
Crucially, it's a way that kids develop curiosity, logical reasoning skills, intellectual persistence, and the reflex to question decisions rather than blindly accept them. It's also a habit we could certainly use more of in today's world!
2. Pointing out when you're wrong
This is a perfect example of something most of us were told was disrespectful as kids, but McCoy said it's a vital skill. "They're practicing honesty and attention to detail," she wrote.
Annoying? Sure, but it's your kid's way of exercising integrity, learning to observe behavior, and perhaps most crucial, developing the courage to speak up when something seems off or doesn't add up. That's a vital skill in all sorts of situations, and will help them keep themselves safe as they navigate life.
3. Repeating the same story over and over
Listen, what better way to be the center of attention than telling the same story for the 47th time? They're just being efficient! But in actuality, they're practicing something far more important: emotional understanding.
Dr. McCoy said kids often do this as a way of processing the emotional aspects of the story in question, which in turn helps them learn emotional regulation, hone their memory, and practice their language and narrative skills.
4. Asking if you're mad, even after you've told them you're not
It may seem irritating or make you feel kind of judged, but it's an important part of a kid's process of learning how to take the emotional temperature of a relationship situation. Because at a kid's age, they often lack the context to know what anger truly is or isn't, and what's normal and what's not.
Asking this sort of question is part of them navigating those nuances and learning emotional awareness, honing their understanding of social cues, and practicing relational attunement.
5. Telling you everything someone said word-for-word
Yes, as Dr. McCoy put it, "it takes forever, and honestly, you don't care what Emily said about her sandwich." Exactly! But she said this reveals something deeply important: not only that your kid is adept at processing social dynamics, but they also trust you enough to share the details of their world.
She said it shows social intelligence, verbal processing skills, and most importantly, it speaks volumes about how safe you've made them feel in the parent-child relationship. So good job, Mom and Dad.
6. Narrating everything they're doing
Thanks for the play-by-play, kiddo, but can you not? Sure, this is incredibly irritating and often time-wasting, but Dr. McCoy said it is part of the game of a kid verbally processing what they're learning about themselves and the world.
It's a key part of developing executive functions, self-awareness, and metacognition, or thinking about thinking. It also helps them learn planning and sequencing skills and understanding the connections between thoughts and language.
So the next time you're about to snap from your kid's annoying habits, take heart: It's actually a sign they're brain is developing deep skill sets. And Dr. McCoy said that responding with patience will teach them to dig even deeper, because they'll feel safe to experiment out in the open with all the data they're processing and skills they're developing in ways that feel natural, secure in the knowledge that they can trust you to accept and encourage them.
John Sundholm is a writer, editor, and video personality with 20 years of experience in media and entertainment. He covers culture, mental health, and human interest topics.
