If You've Already Accomplished These 6 Things, You're More Successful Than The Average Parent
Getty Images | Unsplash Are you feeling the strain of trying to accomplish too many goals a day? There are a lot of super-parents out there trying to do too much, trying to please everyone, and it's draining them. Psychotherapist Dr. Zoe Shaw shares a revelation that might just save your sanity: You can do less in your daily life and still be more successful than the average parent. But just how is that even possible?
In today’s society, more and more men are taking on the responsibility of child-rearing and sharing the tasks and duties that come with raising kids and getting them through school, meal times, errands, and extracurricular activities in everyday life. And while this shift is beneficial, there is still the “emotional” family burden that women tend to take on and carry a bit more of. But according to Dr. Shaw, this isn’t necessarily a bad thing. And even if you and your husband are carrying the family burden 50/50, it can still be normal to feel overwhelmed.
The good news is that there are ways to alleviate the strain that you’re feeling and the worry that you’re not doing everything for your kids that you absolutely can. And the even better news is that becoming a better mom actually starts with you doing less and learning to focus on what’s important. What could be better than that?
If you've already accomplished these 6 things, you're more successful than the average parent:
1. Letting go of busy work
Let go of what doesn’t fulfill you. You can do this by making a log for two to three days of all of your activities. At the end of that time, look at it and determine if a lot of your activities aren’t moving you forward to your life goals and daily goals. Are you spending more time on things that aren't bringing you any happiness than on the things that are? Determine which activities you can cut loose that will give you more time to focus on time with your family or even time that you need to relax.
Pulitzer Prize-winning journalist David Finkel studied the work habits of business owners and executives and found something pretty shocking: Time-wasting and low-value activities ate up more than 30% of their workweeks, meaning parents can reclaim almost a third of their time just by cutting out stuff that doesn't actually do anything.
2. Unplugging from social media
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You deserve a break at the end of the day. You've worked hard, and yes, that entertainment time is well deserved. But what if watching TV or doom-scrolling social media gets you feeling like you're losing brain cells and ignoring your kids?
If you can minimize your entertainment time, say, one hour of Netflix instead of three, or restrict yourself to thirty minutes of social media in a day, you’ll find that you’re going to feel so much more accomplished now that you're using your time to accomplish other things.
Maybe you can even get in some personal meditation time or perhaps work on that puzzle with your kids! It will help you bond and make you feel happier that you're using your time more constructively.
3. Setting daily goals for yourself
Dr. Shaw suggests picking two to three tasks every day that you need to do and getting them done early. Choose something reasonable that won’t overwhelm you, and get them out of the way as quickly as possible.
These tasks can be anything that you need to get done — laundry, dishes, vacuuming, or even going grocery shopping, or maybe even getting in some "you" time and scheduling that pedicure. That way, anything that you finish up afterward feels like "icing on the cake." You'll start the day getting things done and feel accomplished all day long.
Tilburg University researchers studied workers who set simple daily goals and discovered they produced 16% more and worked 8% faster without reporting any increase in stress. Setting just a few specific tasks to knock out early in the day helps your brain stay focused and cuts out distractions that usually kill productivity.
4. Prioritizing family
It is so important that you make sure your behaviors align with your values. But what does that mean? In other words, you need to focus on the things that are important to you and don’t let them get away just because your day is busy. Maybe you really want your kids to learn the importance of spending time together as a family, but realize that you’re just rushing around and picking up McDonald’s every day for dinner between their after-school activities. Maybe it's the three different sports, or trying to get the new notebook they need, or picking up your husband's dry cleaning, but you can see that you're not instilling the need for dedicated family time in your kids.
Take a step back and determine what the really important things are. You may even need to decide to simply let something go so that your behaviors are consistent, and what you're telling your kids matches your actions.
5. Following your intuition
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Do you always feel like you should be doing something? Whether it's agreeing to be a classroom mom for your youngest or trying to find time to join a mommy group, there are things that you might feel like you "should" be doing, and yet you never get around to it, which can make you feel guilty.
If you find yourself saying “I should do XYZ…” then you need to also give yourself a convincing reason why it needs to be done. If you can’t come up with a legitimate reason to do those goals, then let it go and allow yourself not to feel guilty that you didn't do it. Remember: focusing on what's really important is a good way to make yourself happier. Eliminate the excess things that are draining your time and energy, and use them to make the time you'll have with your family later even better!
Research from multiple universities found that when people make decisions that feel authentic to who they really are, they end up way more committed and satisfied with said decision.
6. Giving yourself grace
Last but not least, give yourself a break. You are doing a great job as a parent, and Dr. Shaw believes that if you’re already worried about these things, then you’re already working hard to be a great mom. You work hard, and you try your best to be a good parent, so if things don't always work out as you wanted them to, don't panic!
Give yourself the grace to understand that you're only one person, and you're doing everything you can to raise your kids to be the best versions of themselves possible. So give yourself a pat on the back, super mom, and maybe let yourself relax a little. You can actually get away with doing less and still giving it your all.
Dr. Zoe Shaw is a licensed psychotherapist and relationship expert with over 20 years of experience who consults with clients from all over the world. She has been featured in Recover Today, Weight Watchers, The Oprah Magazine, Forbes, Vox, and more.
