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Are YOU in a relationship with one of these?
By Rhoberta Shaler, PhD — Written on May 12, 2016
Hijackals — chronically difficult people — are chameleons. They will be just what you want them to be … and that’s the beginning of the path to feeling trapped. IfIt’s like they can read your soul and give you the love, attention, and understanding you have longed for.
S/he scooped you up, engaged you fully, and stole your heart. Then, when secure that you were completely enthralled, s/he shed the "nice" and showed you true colors you could not believe you were seeing. You feel trapped.
That’s why it’s not your fault if you find yourself with a Hijackal.
Who are these creatures? I created the term "Hijackals" to describe people who hijack relationships for their own purposes, while relentlessly scavenging them for power, status, and control.
When those true colors start to show, you are so shocked that you are certain you must have misunderstood. You turn on yourself, and question what you have done. Did I cause this? You dismiss the behavior as a one-time thing, caused by stress. You do anything to put the picture back together and make it fit. (Again, that leads you to being trapped in that mindset, avoiding facing what’s really going on.)
That’s where what I call the "Hijackal Trap" begins to show up.
Yes, it is wise to ask yourself if something you did contributed to the conflict. That’s self-awareness. The problem is that you found your partner’s behavior so shocking that it did not fit the pattern you had made for him or her. You, then, tried to make it fit by taking on the issue, or by dismissing it as a momentary slip. The jaws of the Hijackal Trap began to close at that moment.
Hijackals must win … in every moment. It’s a win for them when they make you second-guess yourself. It’s a win when you take the blame as they are so sure you will. It’s a win for a chronically difficult person when they can get you to question your sanity, rather than theirs. Why? Because you were carefully chosen.
Hijackals have innate sensors for possible prey, people who:
- accept blame … readily.
- give them the benefit of the doubt … repeatedly.
- really want to be in a relationship … badly.
- do not question their reasons, excuses or manipulations … ever.
Hijackals troll for those people; their radar is always on. Once they find them, they pounce … gently at first, and then, they get their claws into you, under your skin. You cannot believe they would do that, and soon you are trapped.
If this sounds–or feels–familiar, stop now and learn more. It will save your sanity … and your self-confidence!
In Volume One of my ebook series, Escaping the Hijackal Trap, I outline all the ways to identify Hijackals and exactly why they are crazy-making. If any of these ring true to you in your relationship with your partner, your ex, your mother, your child, or a co-worker, you need to know more. More specific resources for you at Hijackals.com
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This article was originally published at For Relationship Help: The Relationship Help Blog. Reprinted with permission from the author.