YourTango Experts provide advice on how to align your social life with your relationship goals.
It's natural—when seeking out a healthy love relationship—to want to change yourself for the better. You think that a new haircut will make him fall in love again... a pretty dress will turn heads... an extreme diet and exercise regimen will make you worth loving. And these things can put an extra bounce in your step. But the best way to attract love into your life is to live your best life, a life in which romantic love is just the cherry on top.
Has your social life, or lack thereof, been holding you back from love—and from overall happiness? We asked three experts for tips on how you can evaluate your social habits, and change them for the better.
Reevaluate Your Social Habits
Our social lives are important. Cultivating them helps us to have fun, relax, unwind and connect with friends and family. What's crucial is determining if our social behaviors are authentic to who we are, and whether or not they're aligned with what we're trying to achieve in our love relationships. Many times, the two are out of sync. Here are some questions to ask yourself, if your current social life seems to be blocking you from having a healthy relationship. "I'm Social. He's Not. Are We Doomed?"
1. Do you revert back to adolescent or inauthentic behavior in social situations, such as getting drunk, or becoming obnoxious or sarcastic every time you are with a certain group of friends? Does this behavior help or hurt your current relationship (or your search for one)? If you find yourself having a huge argument with your partner after every party or gathering, it may be time to reevaluate your behavior.
2. Do you hang out with people who are supportive of your relationships, or critical? As we've impressed before, everyone needs good role models, especially when in a relationship. Spend time with people who are relationship- or marriage-friendly, rather than those who provide only a negative influence. The buddy who supports your drunken musings of wanting to cheat on your partner is not a good role model for your relationship, and your partner knows that, too.
3. Does your social life foster trust and integrity? This is a big one. If your actions are not trustworthy, how can you build trust in a relationship?
—Kelly Chicas, Counselor/Therapist
Mine Your Passions and Interests
The sense of connectedness experienced through our relationships and social networks is closely tied to our level of happiness. But what makes an ideal friendship, an ideal partner, an ideal social network... and why?
Take a look at your passions and interests, and find activities and people that support them. Immersing yourself in your passions, and playing up your strengths, will make you even more attractive to others, as they'll be seeing you at your best. Participating in such activities can also help you cross paths with your ideal friend or romantic partner.
Be curious. This alone can lead to a busier, more fulfilling social life. Asking others about their hobbies shows your interest in their lives. In turn, they may invite you to join them, and may also, eventually, introduce you to their single friends. 6 Secret Places To Meet Men
By starting with your interests, being pro-active in your social life and making yourself available to others, you will increase your chances of meeting people who can enrich your life—including a life partner. It's all about reaping what you sow.
—Mick Lolekonda, Dating Coach
Know That Playfulness Begets Partnership
Do you spend your free time in ways that deepen your relationship or, if you're single, provide the opportunity to meet new people? Whether you're single or in a committed relationship, if you want a luscious love life, you need to make sure your social life is in sync with the life you want to create.
Be honest. Are you spending your free time holed up in your own home or focused on completing your to-do list? If you are, yet deeply desire a loving relationship, you need to make some serious changes. Engaging in activities that leave you feeling unfulfilled, bored or disconnected will only pull your energy down, making you less attractive to others.
Make a conscious choice to reclaim your playful spirit. Be open, adventurous and daring. When you start having fun, your inner sparkle will shine outward, and your new in-love-with-life attitude will make you irresistible to the opposite sex.
A "fun journal" is a great tool to get you rolling in the right direction. Turn the first page into an index of 20 social situations that would support your relationship goals, and then act on one each week. Write about the outcome.
Here are five fun activities to get your journal started:
1) salsa dancing
2) Meetup.com clubs
3) day trips
4) sporting events
5) a festival or concert
Get your sparkle on and you'll draw in the relationship of your dreams!
—Sherri Nickols, Relationship Coach