5 Sneakily Effective Ways To Get Back With The One Who Got Away

Have you ever wondered if a past relationship would’ve worked out if you’d given it a bit more time? Are you thinking of reconnecting with a past love interest you broke up with, but feel slightly awkward or apprehensive to do so?

That is completely understandable when you consider how we make judgments of potential love interests.

According to experts, dating is complex because we often pursue people based on our first impressions of them, yet it’s also been proven that substance is the ultimate determinant of the quality of any relationship. And looking beneath the surface requires more time than the small grace period we often grant people before deciding to move on.

To make matters worse, online dating and social media have made it difficult for us to develop accurate first impressions of people we may or may not want to pursue. I mean, can we determine who a person is based on what they decide to tell us about themselves on Facebook, Instagram, or their online dating profiles?

This may explain why more and more people are remaining single despite what seems like a more robust, diverse dating pool.

So, if you think you may have broken it off with a past love interest without really getting to know her, here are some tips on how you can approach her again!

RELATED: 12 Signs You're His 'One That Got Away'

Here are 5 sneakily effective ways to get back with the one who got away:

1. Figure out if she wants to talk to you again

Rejection is one of the most difficult emotions for people to experience. But if you can get an overall feel for how the conversation goes when you reach out, you may be able to tell if she wants to talk to you again.

Does she yell at you for breaking it off or does she openly receive your conversation? Does she ask you questions about how you’re doing? Does she continue talking to you about different topics?

All these are signs that she’s interested in possibly rekindling things. So, if you’re willing to give it another chance, it may be worth taking it!

2. Ask her how she’s doing

There’s nothing a woman loves more than feeling important.

If you seem interested in how she’s doing, she’ll be more convinced that you are interested in her genuinely. She’ll feel less inclined to think you have other, less genuine motives, such as a booty call, wanting an ego boost, or just needing someone to talk to.

And it’s important to contact her not too late at night if you want to date her again, so she doesn’t think you just want sex.

RELATED: 6 Telltale Signs It's Not Over Between You And Your Ex

3. Explain why you want to talk to her again

This is an important one because it gives you, as a man, the opportunity to express what you want.

If you don’t tell her how you feel, she can easily get confused as to why you are reaching out. And women can get just as easily misled as men if they aren’t being honestly communicated with.

If you say you want to give it another try, you’ll get the answer to your question sooner. And if she has concerns about doing so, or doesn’t feel the same way, at least you’ll know early on in the process.

4. Try to figure out what turns her on

We cannot forget about sex. Sex is undeniably one of the most important parts of a relationship, but it’s also one of the most complex.

People are constantly changing how they feel about themselves, their partners, and what they want to explore sexually. So, look at her now through a new lens.

If you feel you can rekindle things, understand that she’s a different woman now, and it may take some prying to figure out what she’s into since you’ve talked last.

RELATED: If You & Your Ex Broke Up For Any Of These 11 Reasons, Getting Back Together May Be The Best Thing You Ever Do

5. Take her social media page with a grain of salt

As I mentioned earlier, social media, and other online forums, may give us the wrong impressions of people we may have otherwise connected with if we hadn’t made such quick judgments of them. For this reason, don’t base everything on what you find out about her on social media.

She could be very well conflicted about what to reveal on these platforms, or she may unknowingly reveal things that don’t represent who she truly is. And you don’t want to miss out on a potentially rewarding relationship by just dismissing her because of what she may be inaccurately projecting on these sites.

So, give it a chance! You have nothing to lose.

It’s important to approach her using these tips so you put yourself in the best position possible to get what you want out of the interaction. 

And that is to figure out if it’s in your power or interest to pursue her again. 

In using these techniques, you may realize she doesn’t have a vested interest, she may have her doubts about trying, or you may simply not feel chemistry or compatibility once again. But at least you’ll know you made that decision based on a fairer, more intelligent process than the first impression you originally relied on.

Because the reality remains that people are complex beings, and they simply can’t be figured out by their Instagram posts or an awkward first date.

RELATED: 5 Times It's Okay To Reconnect With Your Ex (And 5 Times It's Not)

Merissa Bury is a freelance writer with a BA in Psychology/English from Rutgers University.

This article was originally published at The Good Men Project. Reprinted with permission from the author.