Photo: Unsplash: Kristina Bratko
You're going to want to take notes.
By Slutty Girl Problems — Written on Jan 25, 2018
Recently, I was kicked out of our house for what I believe was a misdemeanor. It was difficult, caused a lot of tension with my partner, and I found myself having to figure how to apologize to the man I love... a lot. I wanted to make it up to him in a big way that would go beyond just using my words to show my remorse and let him known I was sincerely sorry for what I had done.
Apologizing is never easy, whether it’s for a big indiscretion or simply something mean you said during an argument.
No matter how difficult it may be, however, owning up to your mistakes is essential to keeping your relationship healthy and happy for the long-term, and that applies both ways! Each partner needs to be able to admit when they get something wrong, as well as to do what it takes to make up for it.
So, how can you make sure your apology is heartfelt as possible?
Here are the 5 steps I took on my own path towards learning how to apologize to the man I love in a way that let him know I was sincere.
1. Just say no to apologizing on social media.
Do not say you are sorry on social media or make drastic changes to your relationship status, letting everyone in your life know what’s going on. You also don’t want to become a broken record and text repeatedly.
Keep all of your apologies offline, and try to avoid drunk dialing by temporarily removing their phone number from your phone. It’s more heartfelt to show your remorse in more personal, sober ways.
2. Put your thoughts on paper in a hand-written note.
Keep any letters short and to the point, only using words you really mean. Own up to what you did, and be specific about what you have learned from your actions and how you intend to change. Avoid buying your partner cliche presents like flowers or stuffed toys, because this probably won’t do anything to impress them. Make sure your apology comes from your heart, not your wallet.
3. Apologize face-to-face.
At some point, you’ll need to face the music. Look the person you love in the eye and them them that you’re sorry. Make sure to select a place and time where you know it will be quiet and private.
Likewise, if your partner is the one who hurt you, you’re going to want that real-life interaction where you can see their expressions and remorse in person.
4. Offer a loving act as a gesture of your sincerity.
Despite the aforementioned advice about not giving gifts, doing something like preparing them a home-cooked meal is always a great way to show someone you care about them. I’m a big believer in the old saying that the way to a man’s heart is through his stomach, so in my case, I cooked my boyfriend a full English breakfast with the works — eggs, bacon, sausages, hashed browns, sauce, roasted tomatoes with herbs and two slices of crusty fresh bread topped with real butter. The smile and thanks were more worth the effort, and showing him how much he means to me definitely aided my apology.
5. Remember that all wounds take time to heal.
Your actions will speak louder than words. If you have learned your lesson and truly do change your ways, it will show over time. You may just need to weather the storm until it settles.
It might take your partner a while to forgive you, so the best thing to do is give them the space they need, and likewise, let your partner know if you need space to forgive them for something as well.
Apologizing is a vital part of being in a serious relationship.
We all muck up at some point in our lives so don’t beat yourself up about your mistakes. Do what you can to make it right and carry onward and upward.
This article was originally published at Slutty Girl Problems. Reprinted with permission from the author.