5 Depressing Reasons Men Secretly Despise Strong, Alpha Women

What men say they want and what they actually want are two very different things.

By Ossiana Tepfenhart — Written on Dec 11, 2021

Photo: Khrystyna Shynkaruk / Shutterstock

man and woman looking into each other's eyes

Though many men have told me that they would love to date a woman who's got a lot of strength in her, one thing I've noticed is that it's terribly rare in reality. Otherwise, I assume I'd probably be married for the past seven years.

The truth is that there are a whole lot of men who secretly hate strong women and even take pleasure in breaking them down. I've seen it happen with the best of people, and it always made me wonder why.

Why would so many men insult women, harass them, and hurt them in order to break them down? Why would men say that they love strong women, then avoid them at all costs? Why, why, why?

Well, eventually, I figured out what it was.

Here's what I've put together over the years about the five depressing reasons men despise strong, alpha women:

1. Men have a need to be the more powerful ones in the relationship, and that doesn't jive with dating a real alpha female.

As part of their masculinity, men have a dire need to be the stronger ones. They have a need to feel big and strong, and they need to feel like a superhero to their mates. If they see a woman who can handle her own, it undermines their ability to feel strong, and that slowly makes them resent said woman.

2. It's also a matter of control.

Weak women are easy to control. Men who despise strong women have a need to control their partners. As a result, they'll chip away at a woman's strength and confidence until said woman is "manageable."

3. They often feel like alpha women are competition, rather than partners.

Here's the problem with men's constant need to win: it leaves them unable to see the forest for the trees. Instead of seeing a woman's inner strength as something that can help them out, they see it as a threat. They end up competing with potential dates, simply because they just HAVE to show they're more of a man than said female is.

4. It forces them to work harder, and they don't like to work.

Here's the thing: Men don't respect weak women, but they don't like super-strong alpha women, either. They want a little chase because they want a trophy, but they don't want to worry about being outdone by a female. Alphas make their partners work for it, and too many guys will be lazy about it.

5. It also forces them to confront their own insecurities — and men can't handle that.

There's something really ego-damaging about liking someone who is so much better than you, especially when you see them beating you at your own game.

Rather than step up their game, these sad little men find it easier to just hate on the partners that are stronger than them. They figure that it's easier to bring a woman down than to get up on her level.

Simply put, men hate being forced to confront the idea that they may not be the strong ones in the relationship. They can't handle a woman who is a bigger person than they are, and in turn, they hate them for it.