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Love her, or lose her. There is no in between.
By Higher Perspective — Last updated on Dec 26, 2023
Gerald Rogers, a psychologist who went through a tough divorce, wrote an incredible article about life, love, relationships, and divorce.
Although he's not an expert on relationships, from his own experience, there's something life-changing about divorce that gives you perspective on the things you could have done differently.
He says, "After losing a woman that I loved, and a marriage of almost 16 years, here's the advice I wish I could have had." And it's advice every couple should take to heart.
Here are 9 pieces of marriage advice a divorced man wishes he had followed.
1. Choose love.
In the end, this is the only advice you need. If this is the guiding principle through which all your choices are governed, there is nothing that will threaten the happiness of your marriage.
Love will always endure. No matter what challenges you face as a couple, remind yourselves why you got married in the first place. Let love prevail.
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2. Don't stress about money.
Money is a game. Find ways to work together as a team to win it. It never helps when teammates fight; in fact, money is one of the big reasons couples divorce.
Figure out ways to leverage both people's strengths to win, and don't let your financial worries detract from your relationship.
3. Always grow together.
The stagnant pond breeds malaria; the flowing stream is always fresh and cool. Atrophy is the natural process when you stop working a muscle, just as it is if you stop working on your relationship.
Find common goals, dreams and visions to work towards. Continue your journey together, growing into better people along the way.
4. Let yourself be vulnerable.
You don't have to have it all together. Nobody is perfect, after all. But when you let yourself be vulnerable with your spouse, you're showing that you trust them wholly to be yourself, and aren't afraid of any judgment on their end.
Be willing to share your fears and feelings, and be quick to acknowledge your mistakes. It makes you a better partner.
5. Be open and transparent.
If you want to have trust, you must be willing to share everything with your spouse, especially those things you don't want to share. It takes courage to fully love, to fully open your heart, and let her in when you don't know if she will like what she finds.
Part of that courage is allowing her to love you completely, your darkness as well as your light. Drop the mask. If you feel like you need to wear a mask around her and show up perfect all the time, you will never experience the full dimension of what love can be.
6. Don't be afraid of mistakes.
Don't be an idiot and don't be afraid of being one, either. You will make mistakes and so will she. But it's not the end of the world. It's still important, however, that you try not to make too many mistakes and learn from the ones you do make.
You're not supposed to be perfect, just try to not be too senseless.
7. Never stop dating each other.
Never, ever take that woman for granted. When you asked her to marry you, you promised to be that man that would own her heart and fiercely protect it every single day.
This is the most important and sacred treasure you will ever be entrusted with. She chose you. Never forget that and never get lazy in your love.
8. Protect your heart.
Just as you committed to being the protector of her heart, you must guard your own with the same vigilance. Love yourself fully, love the world openly, but there is a special place in your heart where no one must enter except for your wife.
Keep that space always ready to receive her and invite her in, and refuse to let anyone or anything else enter there.
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9. Fall in love every day.
You will constantly change. You're not the same people you were when you got married, and in five years you will not be the same person you are today. Change will come, and in that you have to re-choose each other everyday.
She doesn't have to stay with you, and if you don't take care of her heart, she may give that heart to someone else or seal you out completely, and you may never be able to get it back.
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Higher Perspective seeks to bring together like-minded individuals focused on personal growth and expanding their consciousness. We can be better to our planet, better to our brothers and sisters, and better to ourselves.
This article was originally published at Higher Perspective. Reprinted with permission from the author.