Looking at the six love lessons to take away from Marc Anthony and JLo's marriage and divorce.
By Stu Gray — Written on Jul 26, 2011
You would think that after a while, there wouldn't be anything more we could learn from a celebrity divorce. But it's not true. I think we can always learn something from a broken marriage, if only so we don't repeat their mistakes.
1. Know that the seven year mark is a difficult time. Jennifer Lopez and Marc Anthony were married seven years. Experts say that the 7 to 10 year mark is the time when many people start to think about jumping out of marriages. This was true in my own marriage. About 7 years in, I began searching for what could make my marriage better, thankfully, instead of deciding to give up. I decided to improve what we had. Know that these periods of time are going to come, and they are also going to pass. If you keep working on your marriage, and not looking for ways to eject from it, you will come out better on the other side.
2. A marriage isn't a business deal. I don't know all the details of the Marc Anthony and Jennifer Lopez marriage, and I don't want to be too judgmental. But I do know that they are both very business savvy and make lots of money doing what they do. In reading about their split, I was reminded that there is always more than money at stake and "who gets what" when a marriage breaks up. Something does happen to the children. Even if the breakup is amicable, there will always be emotional scars. Talk to kids whose parents have been divorced. Even if the breakup was cordial, most will tell you that they wish it wouldn't have happened. The Marriage Secret Nobody Likes To Admit
3. Jealousy can cause problems. In the days following the divorce announcement, there were some reports that Marc was jealous of Jennifer's "sex symbol" status. I can't comment on the truth of that statement, but I do know that if you are jealous of your spouse's success, it will cause problems. If the spouse who isn't as "successful" (or is feeling less than "successful") begins thinking that the marriage is a competition there will be resentment and jealousy. When that happens, it's time to take a renewed look at your marriage vows. Remember when you took them, you became one person. Are You The Jealous Type?
Couples need to embrace the reality of being "one"—a team, a partnership, a place where, if one is weak, the other is strong. If you embrace your spouse's success and pick up the slack, instead of getting jealous, life will be better. A practical example is if my wife has to work outside the home, I need to pick up some of the household management duties and ease her burden, instead of being jealous that she gets to skip out of housework.
4. If your husband does pick up the slack, don't stomp on his efforts. This is a further thought on the previous point. If hubby does step up to the plate to ease the burden, be grateful that he has tried to compensate. Keep from being angry because his methods of folding clothes, taking out the trash and vacumming the house don't look exactly like yours. Husbands want wives who appreciate and love them for who they are and what they do, not someone who gets upset when we don't live up to a different set of expectations.
5. Being husband and wife comes first. The news reports say that Lopez and Anthony will continue on with their upcoming reality show. Business continues, but relationship goes away. To me, this priority is backwards. Ditch the reality show, and work on your marriage. In 15 years, no one will remember the show, but your kids will remember the time when mom and dad split up. Marriage has to be a priority over business. Sure, I love to bounce business ideas off my wife, but she is more than a brainstorming partner, she is my wife. I have to care for her before my business could ever be a success.
6. Keep outside influences out of your marriage. Normal couples don't have to worry about reality TV or paparazzi, but in our own marriages, there are outside factors that could influence our relationships. We have to make sure that other family members or friends actually encourage us in our marriages, and not pull us apart. Too much scrutiny from outside sources puts lots of undue stress on a marriage.
Do you think JLo and Marc Anthony should split or keep working on their marriage?