Entertainment And News, Family

Why Ridiculous Celebrity Baby Names Suck

victoria beckham

I could read about, talk about and dream about baby names all day long. Some people might call me obsessed. I truly get upset each time I hear a bad name... a bad name in my opinion, at least. Too trendy, spelled too ''Kreatively,'' or a given name that sounds plain horrible when paired with the child's family name, are the kind of naming no-nos that really tick me off. I'd share examples of my least favorite baby names but those friends will eventually read this...

But when it comes to awesomely horrendous names bestowed on the babes of celebrities, I just don't care. None of us should, really. I'm convinced that most of them do it for publicity, which is all sorts of wrong. The others, like Shannyn Sossaman who named her baby Audio Science, are probably nuts. And who am I to judge the decisions of crazy people?

If you name your child Fifi Trixibelle, I won't even bother getting worked up about your awful decision. Poor Fifi Trixibelle is the daughter of Bob Geldof and Paula Yates. The name, which is unsuitable for even the fluffiest of dogs, recently claimed top prize for the most original name ever according to a U.K.-based ancestry website, Genes Reunited. The survey looked at more than 750 million birth records from the last 150 years and found that even names like Suri, Cruz and Apple had appeared more than once, but Fifi Trixibelle was truly one of a kind. Thank goodness for that. The name certainly doesn't pass the lawyer/president test.

The what test? Before I consider whether or not I enjoy a name, I ask myself, ''Self, would this name work if the child grows up to become a lawyer or the President of the United States?'' I have no idea why I chose these two professions. At any rate Fifi Trixibelle, and many celebrity baby names for that matter, do not fit the bill.

Then again by the time Nicolas Cage's son, Kal-El (as in Superman's Kryptonian name) is ready to run for office, maybe all of these weird names won't be so weird anymore. The Beckhams, who just named their fourth child and first daughter Harper Seven, are pioneers of unique baby names. Their eldest son's name, Brooklyn is now quite popular for girls, sitting at the 34 spot in the U.S. Similarly, Romeo and Cruz seem normal compared to the names given to recently born celebrity babies (I'm looking at you Alicia Silverstone). With several other celebrity babies sharing the same name, including the children of Neil Patrick Harris, Lisa Marie Presley and Dave Grohl, Harper is far from original. It seems that with her middle name, the Beckhams went weird just for the sake of being weird... even if it is a nod to her David's jersey number, her birthdate and weight. Kate Hudson Has A Boy & Victoria And David Beckham Welcome A Girl

Perhaps famous parents like Natalie Portman are starting a newer naming trend. Aleph is the name given to her son with fiance Benjamin Millepied. Paying homage to her roots, the Hebrew word for the first letter of the alphabet is certainly original, but it's also far from ridiculous... a combination that a baby name nerd like myself can definitely appreciate. Who Is Benjamin Millepied, Natalie Portman's Fiancé?

Even though I'm not exactly a celeb, I was very excited to name my first kid. Off-the-wall names were never considered. I wanted my child to have a name that was familiar, easy to spell and to pronounce, not cutesy and not at all trendy. Which meant no top 50 names and preferably no top 100 names. A quick scan of the Social Security Popular Baby Name list immediately eliminates one hundred names and their alternatively spelled counterparts. Of course, I wasn't alone in my baby naming decision. My husband had an opinion... and I valued it.

I was quite surprised that we agreed on many girl names. We don't agree on many things, but we seem to share the same baby-naming style. Unlike most couples, we didn't spend nine months vetoing each other's favorite names. Fortunately, he didn't have any Fifi-style names in mind. As far as boys names, we immediately nixed the idea of continuing a family tradition. My husband has a third generation name that he did not wish to pass onto our son. I tend to think that growing up as a James/Jimmy/Jim influenced his preference towards more unique names for a boy.

While we we eventually settled on a name for our possible son, halfway through my pregnancy we learned we were having a girl. So while we had the name picked out for months, once we found out we were on team pink, it was officially decided: our daughter would be named Elena. The name fits all of my criteria. Madam President Elena Sacco, I can see it now. Chances are, she won't be running against Fifi Trixibelle... and not just because she's British. We Can't Agree on a Baby Name