12 Worst Pick Up Lines Ever, As Overheard By Your Bartender
Bartenders really hear the worst of it.
CandyRetriever / Shutterstock If your thumbs are tired from furiously swiping left on the less-than-stellar prospects Tinder has been offering you as of late, you can always meet people the old-fashioned way — at your local watering hole.
But keep in mind, you're not the only one being subjected to the lame, wacky, and downright uncomfortable pick-up lines that are thrown your way.
Your bartender is right there with you, serving you with a smile while feeling oh-so sorry for your current state of affairs.
Here are the 12 worst pickup lines ever, as overheard by your bartender:
1. Healthy living
"I was a bartender years ago at the infamous Maxwell’s Plum in NYC. Perhaps the worst pickup line I ever heard was when some guy said with an air of absurd self-confidence: 'Hey, baby, why don’t you come back to my place and we can check out the health foods.' The woman and I cut each other a look that was priceless." -Gilbert
2. Solving world problems
"Guy: You know what the world needs?
Girl: What's that?
Guy: More half Syrian, Half Mexican babies…
(She was Mexican, and he was Syrian)" -Gloria, 31
3. Honest answers
"A guy wearing a camo shirt, jeans, Timberland boots, and a Bud Light baseball hat while holding a Bud Light was talking to a cute blonde girl at the bar. She asks, 'So, what do you do in life?' His response: 'I hunt, I drink and I f***.' He pauses, takes a sip, looks at her, and says, 'But tonight I'm not hunting.'" -Chris
4. Fertility questions
"One time I watched this very, very drunk older man approach a woman at my bar and ask her, flat out, 'Are you on the pill?' She was taken aback but told him no. He told her, 'Good, cause I wanna put a baby in you.'" -Dora, 34
5. A lost dog
"A man came into our bar clearly looking distraught. He seemed to be looking around for someone, and his eyes landed on a pretty brunette woman who didn't seem to recognize him. He approached her out of breath and told her, 'Excuse me miss, could you please help me look for my dog? I just left him tied up outside and I have no idea where he is.' The woman followed him out, then came back in fuming. Apparently, there was no dog, he just wanted to get her alone to ask her for her number..." -Kelly, 32
6. Throwing it way back
"There was a medieval convention in the town where I bartend, so on this particular night, I walked into a bar full of people in ridiculous outfits from that era. I watched one guy approach a woman with a pickup line to the effect of, 'Ay, fair maiden, good 'morrow! May I kiss your slender wrists?' Before she could say no, he already had his mouth on one." -Jade, 26
7. It's getting hot in here
"A guy once leaned over the bar (Professor Thom's) and asked me for a glass of ice, then very loudly said 'Please send it to the lady at the end of the bar. She’s far too hot!' I did not send her the ice. Couldn’t do it." -Andrew, 23
8. Santa's little helper
"I have the misfortune of working at a bar that's always in the direct line of fire for Santacon, and each year I get to hear my fill of Christmas-themed pickup lines. The best one I ever witnessed was a guy dressed as an elf, telling a girl, 'It's not true what they say about elves. I'm actually hung like a reindeer." -Yasmin, 34
9. A business proposal
"I was working at a bar in the financial district during college when a man in a suit came in and started talking loudly on his phone about a deal he had just made. He was sitting near two ladies who were trying to ignore him. Finally, he turned to one of them and said, 'Honey, I know you probably don't normally do this kind of thing, but I just made my company millions, and all I want right now is a celebratory bl*w job. How much money would it take for you to go down on me?' The woman told him to F off." -Sara, 29
10. Very punny
"We serve organic liquor and cocktails at the bar I work at. Once this guy asked a girl at the bar if she liked kale. Apparently, she did, because she smiled and started talking about the kale chips she had made that weekend. He says to her, 'I thought so because your smile is kale-ing me.' The cheesiest thing I've ever heard, hands down." -Jessica, 28
11. Killing the mood
"I once watched this cougar try to pick this younger guy up at my bar. He was really built, and she kept touching his body for no reason as they talked, but she was buying him drinks, so he kept humoring her. At one point I heard her say, 'I just feel so connected to you, you remind me so much of my son...' Things got weird after that." -Billy, 24
12. Go big or go home
"A seemingly normal gentleman walked up to a girl at the bar (Boulton & Watt) and asked to borrow her phone. She asked why, and he said 'I need to call my mom and let her know I’ve met her future daughter-in-law.' I bought him a shot to soften the blow of his strikeout." - Jaime, 28
Danielle Page is a writer and editor whose work has been featured on Woman’s Day, Bustle, Cosmopolitan, The New York Times, Thought Catalog, and Huffington Post.