12 Quotes About Masturbation That Will Tickle You ... You Know Where

Quotes About Masturbation
Sex

Funny, sexy quotes to get your self-loving motor going!

Not that long ago, masturbating was still considered both harmful ("You'll go blind!") and shameful. And while some backward, conservative politicians may still fear self-pleasure, thankfully, most people recognize that masturbation is extremely healthy for us, both physically and emotionally.

When we orgasm, and that yummy "love hormone"oxytocin releases into our bloodstream producing a sense of calm and well-being. And who among us doesn't need ore calm and well-being in our lives, right?  So, whether you're celebrating National Masturbation Month (fyi: May is the happy season) or just reveling in the wonderful ways you can rock your OWN world, we offer you these bold, funny, and sexy quotes honoring self-love in all of it's glory: 

1. "Masturbation: the primary sexual activity of mankind. In the nineteenth century it was a disease; in the twentieth, it's a cure."
Thomas Szasz (fellow of the American Psychiatric Association)


 

2. "The good thing about masturbation is that you don't have to get dressed up for it."
Truman Capote


 

3. "Reading — like masturbation — is something you do alone and very little in life brings more pleasure." 
Chloe Thurlow, Katie in Love

4. "Among all types of sexual activity, masturbation is, however, the one in which the female most frequently reaches orgasm."
— Alfred Charles Kinsey, Sexual Behavior in the Human Female

5. "A man cannot really be called (sexually) confident if he has never bought his woman a vibrator." 
― Mokokoma Mokhonoana, On Masturbation: A Satirical Essay


 

6. "Even if times are tough and you're enduring a terrible heartache, it's important to focus your anger on a vibrator, not another person."
Chelsea Handler, My Horizontal Life: A Collection of One-Night Stands


 

7. "I just want mind-boggling sex tonight, but I don’t think you can beat my vibrator." 
Anna Bayes, Snug Fit


 

8. "My humor is so dirty I could masturbate to it." 
Aleksandra Ninkovic, Write Like No One Is Reading


 

9. "You’ve jerked my heart more than your dick." 
― Crystal Woods, Better to be able to love than to be loveable


 

10. "When it comes to sex: some men treat women as objects; some women treat objects as men." 
Mokokoma Mokhonoana


 

11. "Your imagination and some masturbation is a much better alternative to finding out what kind of person a bit of casual sex transforms you into." 
S.A. Tawks, Mule


 

12. "I can't," I said. "I threw my back out masturbating."
Chelsea Handler, My Horizontal Life: A Collection of One-Night Stands



If you're searching for the best quotes and memes to share with the people you love (or just want to feel inspired yourself) ... look no further! From the sweetest love quotesinspirational sayings, and hilarious relationship truths, we've got you covered. 

Michele Brookhaus RSHom(NA), CCH is a homeopathic practitioner dedicated to having women love living in their bodies. Contact her for a free consult to see how she can help.

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