And they're not holding back.
We all know that men appreciate when you get gussied up for him in something short and lacy, but when we shop for something that looks good for his eyes, we sometimes don't think about how WE feel wearing it.
We don't think about how it affects us emotionally when we wear that item. We don't ask ourselves, "Do I feel confident, sensual, and alluring in this teddy or garter belt?" or, "Am I going to step out of the bathroom and know that I feel ready to make passionate love in this ensemble?"
Probably not. We only worry about how the man will think we look in it, regardless of the fact that the stiff lace on the crotch rubs our chubby-rub raw and the bones of the corset draw blood. The very last thing we feel is "ready to go" in the sack.
Then, what usually ends up happening as soon as we step out the bathroom door? He gives us a once over and then rips the lingerie off in less time than it took to get it on.
We're worried about the outfit and are in our own heads about how he sees us, that we shut off from our senses and can't enjoy the sex. We don't think about putting on lingerie as a ritual that revs up our horny gears. Instead, we think about it as a way to put our true sexuality aside and start servicing him.
And what, you ask, is the problem with that? Sex is an interesting type of gift to a man — the more you're selfish about it, the more he enjoys getting it.
He doesn't want you to put on some fancy lingerie while you dread the whole process and then lie there looking at the ceiling as he makes love to you minutes later. He wants you to put on something that makes you feel like a goddess. He wants you to put on something that makes you feel turned on and ready to go. He wants you to put on something that makes you feel fabulous, regardless of how much attention he gives you for wearing it.
He doesn't want you to spend too long in the bathroom while he's naked in bed and waiting, only for you to walk out wearing a half smile, trip over the carpet in too-high heels, and awkwardly grab the scratchy undies out your bum as you approach the bedside.
He also doesn't want to see you looking robotically stiff and self-consciously terrified in the outfit. That kills the mood completely for him.
Men like lingerie because it makes them feel that you take the time to be beautiful for them and that you enjoy the process because you enjoy making yourself beautiful for men. Men like lingerie because they like the idea that you're so turned on by them that you have to get all dressed up to make sex a special occasion, where you can show them how very turned on they make you.
So if you don't enjoy the process and lingerie makes you less turned on for hot sex, what's the point? It's not helping his pleasure or yours.
Next time you buy lingerie, don't worry about how it looks; worry about how it makes you feel inside to see yourself in it and to wear it. Enjoy the process. Take note of lingerie you see in films that you think are beautiful and go try on similar styles. Maybe you think girls in cowboy hats and boots are sexy, so go to the local western store and pick up a few sombreros.
Some women have a really hard time ever thinking of themselves as sexy and enticing in any outfit. If you're really hard on yourself about your looks, no amount of work on the outside will completely fix this (i.e., weight loss and muscle toning). Yes, you may look at yourself and say, "I look fit and kind of sexy," but you may still not feel comfortable with being fully in your body during sex.
You'll most likely lie there motionless during sex, or start screaming and yelling as a performance for him instead of truly enjoying his touch.
If you have harsh voices in your head about your body, I suggest altogether avoiding the idea of having to be pretty and sexy for him. Instead, think about your power as a sensual goddess, meaning your power to give and receive pleasure during sex. This means physical pleasure and emotional pleasure (laughing together, for example).
Find confidence in your ability to enjoy sex and enjoy feeling physically, spiritually and emotionally close to your man during sex. Then find a way to use lingerie to help in this process.
Find power in your ability to dress in a way that makes you feel sensual, like wearing soft silks and clingy materials that caress your sensitive skin. Find power in your ability to dress in a way that makes you feel like a sexual Hollywood glamazon, using lotions with shimmer and faint, tanning body makeup.
Find power in your ability to get playful and creative about your lingerie, creating a theme and going with it, like you wear a little nurse's uniform and turn up Marvin Gaye's "Sexual Healing." Find power in your ability to be playfully dominating, exiting the bathroom and straddling a chair, wearing his Oxford and one of his ties and nothing else.
Everyone woman has at least one thing they can do when prepping for special sex that will make them feel more feminine, sensuous, imaginative and ready to have a blast under the sheets. And again, it's not about feeling beautiful, just about feeling sexually hungry and powerful in your ability to be a great lover.
Find your inner sex goddess (be her sensual, feisty, dominating, sweet). And don't wait to have that perfect gym body. Do it now. If you pamper your body and enjoy sex, weight will come off so much easier.
Also remember that you don't have to break your bank to do this sexy dress-up thing. A man just wants to know you enjoy feeling good about your looks and your body, and that's possible on a low budget.
If you want to learn more about how to get him back in a way that feels natural for both of you, check out my eBook, Red Rose Woman: The Enchantress Inside You. Sign up for her love advice newsletter and learn her 5 goddess tips.