Emotional Intimacy: How Being Vulnerable Can Lead To Red-Hot Sex

By

emotional intimacy is the key to better sex
Challenge #11: Let down your guard with your partner.

Want better sex? Of course you do. Instead of reaching for a blindfold, a porn video or a cocktail (not that there's anything wrong with those things), how about something less tangible and more effective: enhancing the emotional intimacy in your sexual relationship?

As a therapist, I think of intimacy as your willingness to be yourself — to be vulnerable — without attempting to shape your partner's opinion of you. That kind of honesty, trust, self-acceptance and courage can translate into great sex. Intimacy involves the reciprocal acceptance of each other, despite any faults or insecurities either of you may have. In fact, intimacy is a kind of meditation: we're committed to the cycle of getting to know another person, working hard not to judge him/her, and ultimately accepting and even appreciating him/her.

These twin pillars of intimacy — revealing the self, while accepting the other — drive a relationship to grow. As you accept your partner, you become both more humble and more proud: humble that you're just as imperfect as your partner and proud that you're learning to love. So here are some tips for enhancing the intimacy in the bedroom:

Focus on creating a close, passionate experience.

Penises and vaginas don't create great sex — people create great sex. If you aren't involved with each other you're not relaxed and you're not enthusiastic either, so the sex won't go far. When you focus too much on your own body, it takes away attention from your partner.

So how do you want to feel during sex — desired? Do you want to feel attractive, graceful, close, relaxed? Focus on these feelings, let your partner know this is what you want and try to evoke those feelings. Keep reading ...

GO FURTHER TOGETHER WITH MORE SPARKS AT DUREXUSA.COM/GETCLOSERGOFURTHER

Learn more about the Liberating Side of Being Together:

Article contributed by
Advanced Member

Dr. Marty Klein

Author

Dr. Marty Klein is a Licensed Marriage & Family Therapist and Certified Sex Therapist.

In his award-winning books lectures, newsletter, and therapy, he helps men & women understand and accept themselves and their sexuality, reducing their feelings of guilt, shame, anxiety, and isolation.

Dr. Klein's new book is Sexual Intelligence. Psychology Today says, "Read this book if you want to improve your sex life." To connect with Dr. Klein, see his provocative newsletter.

Location: Palo Alto, CA
Credentials: MFT, PhD
Specialties: Couples/Marital Issues, Infidelity / Affair Recovery, Sexuality
Other Articles/News by Dr. Marty Klein:

What Do People Want To Know About Sex?

By

What do people want to know about sex? At the invitation of YourTango.com, I just spent the day on a panel with four other sexuality professionals. Our mission? List some of the most common questions about sex — and answer them. We pretty much agreed on the sexual topics people want to know more about: desire, pornography, cheating, male-female ... Read more

Symptoms of Sex Addiction? No

By

Maybe you think about sex a lot, maybe all the time. Perhaps you masturbate every day, and maybe you do it with lots of pornography. Maybe you want sex more than your partner—a lot more. Perhaps you wish your partner were more sexually adventurous. Maybe you make terrible decisions about sex. Maybe you take risks, and in the process maybe you've ... Read more

5 Sex Habits To Break Before The New Year

By

Everyone has a few bad habits. Are yours related to sex? Here are some sexual habits to consider breaking right away: 1. Having sex only in the dark. Unless you've lied about your gender, you have nothing to hide during sex. He can feel your body, and he's been looking at it since you met. If he really disliked it, you wouldn't be making love ... Read more

See More

PARTNER POSTS
Latest Expert Videos
ASK YOURTANGO MORE QUESTIONS
Most Popular