(And why you shouldn't call him, no matter WHAT.)
Has this ever happened to you? You meet a new guy for coffee and have a great first date. He was easy to talk to, had a good sense of humor and had good answers to your questions. You feel tentatively positive.
The week went by. He texted once or twice, but didn't ask about the weekend. Then, he finally called you, on Friday, to talk about the weekend.
"Are you free tonight?" he asked. Well, you purposely left the weekend open hoping he would call. So you said, "Yes." You went out and had another great date. It was so nice to talk to a man you can have a great conversation with. You smiled, laughed and shared similar ideas about life.
Then, you don't hear from him all week, except for some texting. This time, you can't take it. You want to know what's going to happen for the weekend. You can't stand this waiting game. You assume, of course, you will have a date.
So, you decide to be bold and just call him. What's the big deal, right? When he answers, he seems happy to hear from you. When you ask about the weekend, he says he hasn't given it much thought. You tell him you are trying to make plans, so you need to know when he wants to get together. The good news is, he suggests going out on Saturday night.
You have another great date. This relationship is going great and you have some momentum. The next week ticks by with a few fun texts, but not much more. Thursday arrives and you start wondering, "What the heck? Is he not going to plan ahead, again? Should I call him? Why is he acting like this, especially when we have such a good time together?"
1. He's just not that into you.
As Greg Behrendt says in his book by the same name. This simple answer cuts deep, but has a great deal of validity. While you and your date may have a great time, it doesn't mean the same thing to him as it does to you.
2. He's not in relationship mode.
While he certainly enjoys your company, he's more relaxed about seeing you.
3. He doesn't know you're a planner.
Last weekend you were free at the last minute. So, what's the big deal about making plans? You've probably got very little going on.
4. He's not a planner and is sort of lazy.
Why make plans when he can get the women to call him and take care of it?
In light of all these possible answers, what should you do? I know you are anxious to see him. I know it seems harmless to make a simple phone call to ask about weekend plans. But don't do it. Here are four reasons why.
- If he's not that into you, you might as well know as soon as possible. You delay finding this out if you don't wait to see if he will contact you.
- If a man doesn't have the same dating agenda as you, you might as well find out sooner rather than later. For example, if he's a casual dater and you want a relationship. Don't pick up the phone. Wait to see what he does, which will tell you more about his agenda.
- If you call a man because you are impatient or think its not a big deal, think again. The last thing you want to do is give a man the impression that you have nothing else going on. That won't make him want to pursue you. This doesn't create mystique or make him curious about what is going on with you. When you have a full life of your own, you are much more attractive to men.
- If he's lazy, and you don't mind being in charge, then go ahead and call him to make plans. But don't get mad later when you are tired of being in charge. Keep in mind that you trained him this way from the start. So, you will have no one to blame but yourself when you get sick of it.
The best dating strategy is to make plans for yourself. Don't want to wait around until the last minute for him to make a plan? Then don't. Make plans of your own and go about your life.
Find fun things to do with friends. When he calls at the last minute, you can say, "Oh, that sounds like fun. Too bad I already have plans. Maybe next week." You can feel free to offer an alternate time, which let's him know you are interested. But he will also get the message that he needs to make plans in advance.
If he truly has interest and wants to date you, he absolutely will do just that.
This article was originally published at It's Never Too Late for Love . Reprinted with permission from the author.