Want a second date? Here are some phrases you want to avoid on your first.
For single women looking for the right man, getting through the first date is your first priority. You only get one chance to make a great first impression, so you want to be at your very best. This is your shot at being a delightful, alluring, feminine presence and making your date feel comfortable and at ease. Men choose women who make them feel good about themselves and are easy to be with.
Yet, many women are so absorbed with gathering intel about a man as if you are on a vital spy mission and might self-detonate at any moment. That's exactly what can happen if you drop any of these verbal bombs by saying the wrong thing. Your need to know if the guy is a waste of your time can get in the way of making that good first impression.
Below are seven phrases you want to avoid and explanation for how these things can sound from a man's perspective. As a dating coach for 12 years, I have found these details out from my male clients as well as my own personal experience from my journey to find the man who is now my husband. I dated 30 guys in 15 months and that provided a wealth of insight.
Each of these comments or topics will most likely turn off a man quickly. If you have ever said one of these deal-breaker statements, you probably had a guy who seemed interest at first, suddenly have a drop in energy and close the date sooner than you expected.
- I'm so busy. When you tell a man how busy you are and what a crazy schedule your life has, he could think any of the following: She doesn't have time for me; she's going to have a hard time committing; she won't have time to hang out with me; she'll probably cancel last minute. It doesn't matter how busy you are — avoid saying this. If you want to find love, you will find the time.
- I'm so independent I can do anything myself. When a man hears you say this, he will think you don't need a man in your life. You are self-sufficient and don't need any help. Even if that is true, this is a turn off. Why is that? Because a good man wants to help his woman. He wants to feel needed just like a woman does. So when you throw it in his face that you don't need anyone, you are in essence saying that you don't need him. You may not NEED a man, but if you WANT ONE, don't make this seemingly harmless comment.
- What kind of car do you drive? Asking your date this question will put him on alert that you might be a gold digger. Even if you are a car enthusiast, I recommend avoiding asking questions like this. I also wouldn't pay too much attention to his expensive watch or designer clothes. The last thing you want to leave him with is the impression you are a status seeker. Men want to be liked for who they are the same way you do. Gold diggers don't get second dates.
- My ex is the worst. Sometimes on a first date, you start to relax around the guy and you feel like you can really talk to him. So you open up and start to tell him about your life — and your exes. Don't do it! Talking about your ex sends a strong message that you're not over him yet. Or maybe you're not even ready to date. Think about it this way; why would you bring your ex up on a date with a new man? Will that reflect on you in a positive light? Not really. In fact, it's like bringing your ex to the date! You'll have plenty of time to tell your love war stories later. First dates are meant to focus on you and your date, not your ex, your kids, etc. Even if he bring up his ex, don't jump in there with him.
- My job sucks. Speaking of first impressions, when you complain about your job (or your health, financial situation, legal problems, etc.) you are downgrading yourself in a huge way. This is way too much information for a first date and certainly no way to make a good first impression. Men want a woman who is happy with her life and has her act together. Sharing your troubles will not lead him to think this about you. Instead, share what makes you happy and what is going right in your life. Show him your good side so he can get to know the real you.
- Online dating stinks. I won't argue that it can be hard to connect with the right man. However, when you start talking trash about other men you've met online, the man in front of you will start feeling defensive. This is completely natural and the same way you'd feel if he condemned all women. Don't talk about how hard dating is or the crummy men you've met. You want him to think you are a great catch and a gem of a woman who hasn't yet been discovered by another man. Now he's got a chance with you! Don't ruin that fantasy. If you bad-talk your other dates, he will view you as a woman who attracts sub-standard men who aren't interested in you. That doesn't make you seem very desirable. Don't go there!
- I'm so exhausted — what a day! I cannot tell you how many men shared that women treat them like a therapist on a first date. This is especially true if the man is easy to talk to. Perhaps you forgot that you are doing sitting in front of a handsome, kind-hearted guy. This is not your opportunity to dump your problems on him. This is your chance to get him excited about you! But when you follow this unpleasant line of conversation, he's going to think you are overwhelmed and lacking the vital energy he is seeking in the right woman for him. You want to give him the impression that you are up for getting out, doing things together and enjoying yourself.
Here's the advice I share with my dating coaching clients every day. It's not about where the good men can be found (though that's what most single women over 40 ask me), it's all about WHO YOU ARE when you meet men. Strive to be a woman your date wants to learn more about. You want him to be curious about what makes you tick. You want him to feel comfortable around you. You want him to see you again on another date. That is your job on date one. If you like the man, you want a second date so you can get to know each other better and determine if there is long-term love potential.
Smile, be easy-going, and alluring. Rely on your feminine charm. Relax and be your best self. If your date doesn't like what he sees when you show up this way, it's his loss.
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