It has to be said.
Let’s get straight to the point: every woman should have a lover who fingers her.
And when I say finger you, I mean finger you with gusto and passion. For the ladies dating men, I mean finger you without a thought of putting his dick in you. I mean finger you so well that you don’t really care about a dick anymore.
A new lover in my life, let’s call him S., has given me that pleasure a few times already ... and it’s f*cking wonderful.
It's All About The Hand
I personally never use my fingers much when masturbating because they’re short, and I don’t get much of a feeling from them. But when you think about it (and lesbians have figured this out a long time ago!), hands are excellent pleasure instruments to use inside vaginas.
Unlike penises, whose size doesn’t really change once they’re hard, hands and fingers can give you all kinds of different sensations. From a teasing penetration with one or two fingers to a full-on fist (which I have yet to experience), there are so many variations you can play with.
The flexibility of fingers is also a major bonus. They can go up and down, side to side, in circles, or a combination thereof, along with penetration itself. They’re the best way to get to your g-spot (another thing I have yet to experience).
A Different Experience
What I love about S. is that he’s opening me up to different experiences. His repertoire is impressive and he gives amazing massages. Although he’s not super kinky, at least he’s open to it and even learns about it for me. It’s very nice.
Being with him is different from most men I’ve been with before. The thing that distinguishes him: he cares about my pleasure.
More than his fingering technique, it’s the fact that he cares about the pleasure I get from what he does to me. And he can tell me to shut up and lie down when I lose my focus on the moment and start worrying about him.
An attentive and giving lover is a somewhat new proposition for me. Not that past lovers haven’t been, but S. is definitely among the top. And, well, the whole fingering thing is totally something I could get more of.
Although I consider myself fairly sexually awakened, I never realized how much I prioritize my lover’s pleasure over my own ... to the point of pretty much ignoring it all along. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve laid there in bed being pounded by M., not feeling much, and encouraging him to finish off because I was getting annoyed/in pain/tired of it.
Although it’s important to give your partner pleasure, it’s not healthy to completely set yours aside.
At one point, I stopped expecting M. to actually care about whether or not the sex was satisfying to me. And then we stopped having sex, so whatever.
But now that I know what it feels like to be taken care of, I’m not going to settle for selfish sex anymore. I’m allowed to experience pleasure without feeling guilty or obligated. I’m allowed to just lie there and feel.
And, of course, I’m also willing to do the same to my partner ... once his or her turn comes!
This article was originally published at The Story Of A. Reprinted with permission from the author.