Think with your little head.
Is there really a way to figure out how to take a dick pic that's sexy?
It's one of the age old questions.
After all, while penises are delightful little tools able to help create life and in the right circumstances make us cry out to the almighty, they aren't exactly well, that great to look at.
By and large, it's the men who they're attached to that we find ever so yummy, not the penises they so enjoy bandying about.
If you insist on taking a picture of your penis and sending it to a lady (really, please don't, just like, send her chocolate, flowers, anything else) I appreciate your efforts to make said dick pic as sexy as possible.
The key to answering that immortal question, how to take a dick pic that's sexy, is easily answered with these 5 pro tips. Really, it's all about preparation, and what is a penis if not ready to leap into action, amiright?
1. Ask her permission.
Imagine you are just going about your business and BAM, you get hit in the eyes with a penis.
Penises are awesome, but not worth losing your job over, so make sure your penis pic is wanted before you hit send. A cursory "cool to send you a pic?" will often do the trick, though receiving that text I might still be expecting a photo of a cat doing something funny.
2. Dress the part
You don't need to be wearing a tuxedo to show us a photo of your erect penis, but maybe class things up a bit and put on clean underwear.
At the very least, please don't send us pics of your penis where we can see your boxers clumped around your ankles.
Make it look like you took time and care to compose an image just for us.
3. Consider your best angles
For the love of all that's good in this world, this is key: A photo of your penis taken from the wrong angle can look like an angry alien out to attack us.
Find an angle that makes your penis look attractive and not like a threat.
Contrary to popular opinion, women don't want to see pictures of penis flaccid either.
I mean really, what's the point?
4. Clean up a bit
You could have the best, most handsome supermodel of a penis in the world and it wouldn't matter if the background of your dick pic includes a container from last night's Chinese food and the dog poop you forgot to clean up before you went to bed.
Your penis is a star, give it the stage it deserves.
5. Clean up a bit
Not a typo.
You know how you get all weird when a woman still has a ton of pubic hair hanging out?
Well, if you want to showcase your penis to the best of your ability, trim yourself up! Grooming matters and nothing says "I respect you and find you deeply sexy" quite like making your pubes more manageable in their appearance before you start clicking away. (HINT: Shorter pubes also make your member look bigger!)