"We're separated, I swear."
I always believed what men told me simply because I am honest to a “T.” I figured everyone else was as well. How could someone stand to lie to someone’s face?
As I got older and married and then divorced, I learned with experience that not everyone is honest, even if they’re a decent human being on the surface. Sometimes, men lie to save your feelings... or save their own.
Of course, sometimes men lie because, well... they’re not such nice people. It can be hard to fathom why someone might lie right to your face but the fact is, guys will do it if it means they will get what they want.
This isn’t to say that there aren’t genuine, kind and honest men or that there aren’t ruthless and crooked lying women out there. But sometimes, the lies men tell to get what they want are convenient.
Here are 10 lies men tell and why they do it.
1. "This was all your fault in the first place."
"This was never a relationship — you just got the wrong idea in your head! I told you it would never go anywhere. You didn't listen because you're messed up." He goes on ad nausem: It's your fault I hurt you.
We have all known this guy who lies and says how “this was never a relationship,” even though it was, or simply places the blame on you for his lack of commitment.
These types of lies are simply to reduce his responsibility. These kinds of men simply want to make themselves feel better by placing everything onto you. They’re wimps and the goal of their lies is to clear their conscience of their own wrongdoing.
"If you had only listened, none of this would have happened."
Whatever, wimp boy.
2. "We're separated — I swear."
"We're separated. I'm just waiting for her to move out."
"She needs a job. I'm just waiting. It's taking, like, forever."
Yes, they lie about their marital status. They’ll say they’re “separated.” They’ll say they’re seeing a lawyer. Sure, there are a few who are genuinely separated, but don’t be surprised when you find out that Mr. Separated is really just Mr. “Unhappily Married” or Mr. “Fighting With His Wife” and isn't really separated.
Why? Why would anyone do that? Because they’re lonely. Because they would like a divorce but it’s too easy for them to stay. Because they’re horny. Because they need their egos stroked. Because they want their cake and to eat it, too. Because they don’t want to tell you they’re afraid to jump ship. Because they’re comfortable where they are.
"I swear we've been separated, but she's having second thoughts."
Yeah, I'm sure she is, buddy.
3. "I just saw my friends... nobody special."
"Uh, you know, I was with the boys last night. No big deal. Just a casual night out."
He may really like you but also wants to graze around the forest. He doesn’t want to tell you he’s dating around because he knows it may hurt your feelings and he enjoys dating you.
Really, there’s nothing wrong with him seeing others if you are not exclusive as he doesn’t owe you anything, but it’s better to be honest for all parties’ sake. Plus, if you’re sleeping with him and he’s sleeping with others, it’s a safety game. Be honest, bro.
"I saw my ex-girlfriend last weekend, but it's really nothing."
Okay man, but you could've said that. Let's hope you're sexually safe...
4. "You never look fat."
"No, you look fantastic. Stop it — your thighs are just right in this."
"You look beautiful in anything."
This is a good lie, I think. When you don’t look great in something and he says you do, he’s trying to avoid hurting your feelings as well as getting you angry. Ultimately, by lying, he’s keeping the peace.
"You never have a fat day, honey."
That's sweet... but I just had five. It's OK, though. Kisses.
5. "Oh her? It's nothing. We dated years ago, but we barely talk..."
'She just friend requested me, but whatever. She just posts a lot of cool travel pics I like."
"Oh I just liked her photo to make her feel good... she's got really bad self-esteem."
Yes, they’re chatting up with those old girlfriends on Facebook. Yes, they’re occasionally texting them. You bet they “heart” every hot photo of their ex that she’s posting on Instagram or Facebook.
They may just be chatting for nostalgia’s sake. It could be harmless. They may just be chatting as pals. They also could be forming an emotional relationship that’s damn well dangerous and uncool.
"We have no plans to meet in real life or anything. Just old friends from the hood."
Meanwhile, back at the ranch, he's meeting her for a drink while you're out on GNO.
6."It's gonna hurt after I'm done with you."
"Oh, you're gonna feel it, girl."
"Yeah, it's big alright."
There’s only one man that’s not lying about his penis: the guy that’s so big, women are slightly scared at the sight.
Many guys will lie or bolster the “size” in descriptions pre-sex. Not that you can blame them completely, especially if they’re a little challenged size-wise. There is a lot of emphasis on size when it comes to men, rather than skill. Truthfully, that’s unfair.
They’re lying to make themselves more appealing and keep you hooked.
"You're gonna hurt the next day."
It might not be mighty, but hey, as long as he knows how to steer the boat, it shouldn't matter.
7. "I'm just not ready."
"I'm just not ready right now. A relationship is too much."
"I've still got things I want to do as a single guy."
If your man dumps you, he may be honest or he may come up with a whole slew of pathetic excuses as to why it’s “over.” He’s doing this to keep the other women hidden. He’s doing this to excuse himself from being a sh*t. He’s lying to avoid a heartbreaking conversation.
"I'm just not in the right place."
Yeah, that place is technically what we women call "Bullsh*t city." Nice excuses, though.
8. "You're the crazy one. You really need therapy."
"You're fractured and mentally unstable."
"It's all in your head... you're crazy."
They gaslight you. They say “You’re crazy” or feed you other BS for a multitude of reasons. By making you feel bad about yourself, you then allow him to have control over you.
If he has you believing you’re crazy, he can then get away with more and more. Yet, somehow, it’s all your fault. They lie because these types of men are sick and wrong in every single way.
"You're nothing. You're an albatross on my life."
Oh, I see what's happening pal: you're trying to make me feel weak so you can feel big and strong. A bottom-feeding abusive jerk.
9. "I can't wait to hear all about your day."
"I can't wait to see you and get to know more about you."
"I love our talks."
They say they’re looking forward to getting to know you, but suddenly, homeboy is making dinner race through so he can run his hand up your thighs. He makes it seem like he’s interested in a relationship when really, he’s only looking to bed you.
If he actually told you, “Hey I just want to f*ck tonight,” he knows that nine times out of ten, you’ll be telling him "No, no and no.” This lie is one that just serves him well, and that’s why dudes like this do this kind of nonsense.
"Really, I got hung up at work. Can I just drop by late?"
That's a booty call brother right there.
10. "I don't feel ready to commit at the level you're looking for."
"I'm just not ready to go the extra mile."
"I haven't been the best to you. It's time to end it. I'm sorry I did this to us."
He won’t say he’s not in love. He won’t say he’s not feeling it anymore. He’ll take on the blame to avoid crushing you. This kind of lie is one that is done in pure kindness, although sometimes the truth is better to hear, no matter how much it hurts.
"It's not you, it's me. Really."
We know you're not being honest, and it hurts.