Expert Blog Compelling advice, stories, and thought-provoking perspectives straight from YourTango's lineup of Experts to you

What You Should Think About Before You Have Sex With Someone New

Love, Sex

Now you finally know...

How long to wait before sex is a hotly debated topic that probably isn't going away. But even still ... how long are you "supposed" to wait? Maybe you went out with someone and your chemistry is UNDENIABLE. You instantly feel that attraction and your sexual energy between the two of you is DYNAMITE. What are you supposed to do? End the date? Go where your body WANTS you to go? 

Your brain is wrestling with your tingling body and you SERIOUSLY want to just go for it. 


It’s the age old struggle — if you jump into bed right away you run the risk of screwing up something that could have real long-term potential. The sex might be fantastic, but what if he ghosts you afterward and leaves you in a puddle of insecurity? What if she gets the wrong impression and pegs you as just another player?

You may find yourself wondering — if you wait and build an emotional connection before you have sex, could it mean a better opportunity for something lasting?

On the other hand, if you do have sex, you might wake up the next day and find that the two of you are blissfully bonded and completely at ease with each other. One night leads to a weekend together and then the two of you become inseparable. It happens!


Is there a magic formula for the timing of that first sexual encounter?

How long is long enough? Do you have a hard and fast third date rule? What factors need to be present in your relationship to make you feel secure about sharing your body with someone?

Melanie Gorman (YourTango Experts Senior VP) and our panel of experts (marriage and couples Counselor Samantha Burns, marriage and family therapists Rita DeMaria and Moshe Ratson, and author and anthropologist Helen Fisher) discuss this question from various angles and give some some REALLY insightful perspectives. Take a moment and check out what they have to say so you can feel confident in your decision to go for it ... or to wait it out.

If you still have questions, feel free to visit their websites or maybe even just contact Samantha, Rita, Moshe or Helen.


Explore YourTango