A Helpful Field Guide To The 15 Different Types Of F*ckboys

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A Field Guide To The 15 Different Types Of Fuckboys

No matter what kind of fuckboy he is, he's not worth your time.

F*ckboys are plentiful in today's society, and the funny thing about that is that this subcategory of men has actually evolved into an entire umbrella term that covers a wide variety of douchebaggery. If you've ever been on a safari... erm, club-hopping experience, you may have seen a large array of different f*ckboys all displaying their various plumages.

F*ckboys come in a huge variety of different flavors, but they all have the same damned outcome: they don't do commitment, and they'll lie to you and drop you like a rock once they get what they want. Here are fifteen of the most common kinds of f*ckboys, and why you will hate their guts.

1. The Softboy


This is the f*ckboy who keeps talking about feelings. He's mushy, gushy, and will write you poetry in a heartbeat. His aura suggests that he wouldn't hurt a fly. He seems so sensitive, so nice, doesn't he? That's why he really blindsides you when he drops you like a rock. These f*ckboys are most commonly recognized by their sh*tty acoustic guitars and their even sh*ttier taste in music.

2. Mr. Nice Guy™

This is that one guy who everyone warns you about, and realistically, he's both a f*ckboy and a category all of his own. Assuming we look past the fact that he's entitled, misogynistic, and lashes out in extreme anger over the any rejection or sideways glance he receives, most Nice Guys™ will eventually break it off with their Manic Pixie Dream Girl because they only feel validated when they are having sex with women lots of them.

Sincere as his pleas may seem for a girlfriend, it's safe to say that he's a f*ckboy, and an abusive one at that. They're easily spotted thanks to their whiny demeanor, fedoras, and katana collection.

3. The Faux Ghetto

He might be an aspiring rapper, or he might be a local drug dealer in the suburbs. Whatever his role may be in the "hood" of his upper class neighborhood, you can bet that he spends at least $100 at the club every week, likely has at least one child he's not seeing, and also will say anything to get you into bed.

They are most easily recognized by wearing urban clothing their mom gave them, listening to Kanye West and other mainstream rappers, discussing the hood despite living in suburbia, and talking about how they'll make it big once they drop that sick new album that totally doesn't sound like Jay-Z's latest bit at all.

4. The Guy Who Strings You On

You've been "talking" for months, even years. Unfortunately, he still doesn't want to show himself off as committed. Trust me, there's a deadline before you end up being a f*ckboy's placeholder girl.

5. Mr. Summer Of '69


This guy might have dropped too much acid, or might have popped too much molly in his party days. Whatever caused it, he's a bit burnt out. If you haven't guessed, Mr. Summer Of '69 is a full-swing hippie, and will inundate you with free love talk until the topic of commitment goes away.

6. The Burnout

In high school, he might have been considered pretty cool because of all of the drugs he did. Now, he's got all the intelligence of a dead goldfish and the romantic attention span of one, too. Unlike Mr. Summer Of '69, who could possibly be gainfully employed as a festival stagehand or vendor, the Burnout f*ckboy can't keep a job. Heck, he can't even do much other than drool and talk about getting laid.

7. Mr. Finding Himself

This f*ckboy seems like the real deal in every sense of the word. He's smart, well-rounded, family-friendly, and really is romantic. He also has a new age, hipstery twist. Unfortunately, just as things are getting serious, he ends up deciding that he needs to "travel the world to find himself." He then tells you, condescendingly, that he hopes you'll wait for him when he gets back. Yeah, f*ck that.

8. The Ghetto Glam

He works out. He's got tattoos. He has an Instagram filled with heavily photoshopped pictures. He expects any girl he's casually sleeping with to be a size 0, have breast implants, have a huge paycheck that he will be able to access, and also not complain when he treats her like an object or an ATM.

His biggest issue? He thinks he lives in a rap video, and he thinks looking decent will get him out of the hood. Most visible by the fact that all he ever talks about is his stupid car and his stupid bodybuilding. In a word, he's the most vapid person on this list.

9. The Unlabeler

This guy will say you're dating. He'll say he cares about you and he'll expect you to be loyal to him. When it comes to commitment, though, he will always say, "Let's not label things." He seemed so normal. It's such a shame that he ended up being a f*ckboy.

10. The Midnight Rider


The Midnight Rider is that one f*ckboy who only calls late night, and when he does call it's never really coherent. Aside from showing zero respect for your needs or schedule, his other winning quality is sending you dick pics in droves. Why did you give him your number, anyway?

11. The Bro

This is the guy who has the upscale job that earns six figures, and the one who has a pack of rabid fratboys living life along with him. He doesn't want a commitment unless it'll further his career, and you can bet that it won't be a happy marriage. Most commonly, bros are the f*ckboys who will make remarks on your weight or ask you to go tanning.

12. The Post-Ghosting Texter

It takes a certain level of idiocy, cowardice, and bad manners to do this. Does this ever work? Seriously, just call him out on his sh*t behavior and tell him to f*ck off.

13. The MRA

Unless you want to deal with PTSD from your dating life, you won't date a guy who hates women and sees them as inferior and that's exactly what's wrong with these f*ckboys. They also tend to be very anti-commitment and even more anti-marriage. No matter what you do, you will not be able to please him or convince him you're not out to get him. Just drop him, he's hopeless.

14. The "Not Looking For Anything Serious"

If you really want something serious, just walk away the minute he says this phrase. He's a f*ckboy if he says this phrase, just so you know.

15. Mr. XXX


This is that one f*ckboy who, right off the bat, starts talking to you sexually on Tinder, at a bar, or via his ad on Craigslist. He has no shame, and will send dick pics to you just because he knows it will piss you off. This guy might also do revenge porn, so steer clear of him at all costs.

F*ckboys suck. No matter what kind of f*ckboy he is, you need to drop him like a rock. Capiche?



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