6 Things That Happened While Having Sex With An HUGE Penis

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Synonyms for injuries caused by a big penis? PROBLEMS WE SHOULD ALL HAVE.

So you have landed yourself a sex partner with a big penisBravo! 

While size doesn't really matter (it's not the size of the vessel, but the motion of the ocean, etc) landing a dude with a big penis in your bed for sex-filled times is a little bit like wearing a really great bra: it just makes you feel better about yourself, slightly more cocksure, if you will pardon the expression.

But beware before the sex romps begin. For lo, sometimes with a big penis comes a big problem. It's all fun and games until some poor soul gets injured having sex with a big penis. 

Here are six common sex injuries caused by big penis having fellows. 

1. Broken fingers

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It happens! You've drained the lube, you're relaxed and ready to go, and then you brace yourself for impact on the wall in a not-so-secure way and with the first thrust, snap goes the digit. You could wear a brace, or, a less nerdy option, brace yourself on your big penis-having partner. 

2. Broken penis

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Penile fractures are a legit real (and terrifying) sounding thing! Sure, there's no real bone to break in a boner, but there are blood vessels that can and do get snapped. For guys with big dicks, this commonly happens when they are thrusting to hard in a woman with a short canal. 

3. Bruised ovaries

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His dick can't bruise your ovary. Bodies do not work that way. BUT if you have an ovarian cyst, his big dick and all that vigorous sexing could rupture a cyst making you feel like an angry little Donal Trump is stabbing your ovary with a pitchfork. This has absolutely happened to me, and that is why I am voting for Hillary. 

4. Bruised cervix 

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His big dick absolutely CAN bruise your cervix. This has also happened to me. It still does from time to time and my bedfellow gets far, far too proud of himself when I announced that he broke my vagina. Your cervix is the little trap door that keeps your baby making house safe attacking penises. If you aren't properly aroused, your cervix will sit lower, making it easier to bump and bruise. Even if you ARE as wet as hell, a long penis can still come a knocking on your door like an unwanted vacuum salesmen who you are also having sex with. 

5. Vaginal scratches

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An overzealous big penis having guy will be eager to get himself inside of you. All of himself. If he tries this sans lube, he can scratch your vaginal walls. Nice and slow and easy does it when you start out having sex with a larger than average penis. 

6. Vaginal tearing 

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Please to see above. Yeah. Those scratches can turn into big old tears, both externally and internally, if he just barges into your vagina like he's Dick Van Dyke and this is his very special TV home. Tell that eager beaver to settle down if he ever plans on making it to syndication.

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