Have you been concocting various erotic scenarios that involve someone other than your spouse? Perhaps you've taken things a step further, and you're in the midst of a flirtation with someone, or you've been exchanging sexually charged emails or text messages.
The truth is that you're not daydreaming, you're thinking about cheating and these urges can quickly become too strong to resist. When you're caught up in the midst of a new attraction, you might not be able to see the reasons behind why you're looking to stray.
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1. Boredom in the relationship. Whether you've been together two years or more than ten, by now that new relationship feeling has worn off. Sex has become predictable and sometimes it even feels like you have nothing to say to one another.
Cheating alternative: "It's time to reboot your imaginations," says Dr. Patti Britton, author of The Art of Sex Coaching. "Get creative. Do something you have never done before together, like go to a strip club or an erotica expo. Change your patterns with touch and sex—whatever you did before, do the opposite. Variety sparks the dopamine response in our brains, causing us to feel that something is in fact new."
2. You don't get enough attention from your spouse. Work. Kids. Some days it seems like your spouse's attention is on everything except you. You want someone to ask you about what's going on in your life and to maybe give you a back massage once in a while—without you having to ask.
Cheating alternative: Britton suggests that if you want more attention, you should first try giving your spouse more. "Put notes to him all over his mirror in the morning. Be proactive at getting his attention. Showing more interest in [your partner] could result in the same toward you."
3. You want confirmation of your attractiveness. After settling into a marriage or long-term relationship, you may have forgotten what it feels like to be desired (for something other than your cooking, financial support or parenting).
Cheating alternative: "Go out with one of your other happily married friends, flirt it up and then go home with all that confidence and self-esteem and sleep with your guy," says Ian Kerner, sex and relationships counselor and author of "Sex Recharge." "Sometimes a little harmless flirting can keep the real harm of infidelity away and be channeled back into your own love life."
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