I told him he had a tiny penis.
Well, if you want to be precise, I actually told him that his junk probably couldn't hit my sexual "spot"—which isn't much better, I suppose.
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For the record, the equipment on my month-long friend-with-benefits was a perfectly acceptable size and shape. And yes, I knew exactly what I was doing when I blurted out my verbal castration. It probably wasn't my brightest moment with the opposite sex. But this Matt Damon-esque hottie, who was by far the most attractive guy I had been involved with, had pissed me off so royally that the only suitable comeback was to attack his nether region. I knew that insulting his little soldier would be the ultimate ego-crusher for a guy who had boasted about his man-whorish past. Cut me some slack; I was angry.
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My outburst hammered the final nail in our little hookup's coffin, as my boy was completely distraught by the idea that his penis might not be the massive instrument of sexual pleasure he had imagined. He would later tell me that on top of frantically Googling and Wiki-ing average member sizes, he carried the uncertainty of his manhood into his next relationship (and it certainly didn't help that his next girlfriend made a small penis quip, too!). But how could the most alpha dog, self-assured, cocky male be completely emasculated by any hint that his junk wasn't up to snuff? Why are men so sensitive about penis size?
Dr. Russell Eisenman, an associate professor of psychology at the University of Texas-Pan American (who conducted a study showing that women were more satisfied by penis width than length—holla!) believes that it has a lot to do with symbolism. "Cultures value the penis as a symbol of maleness, strength, and potency, so to be insulted about one's penis is probably seen as a threat to all of these things," he said. And it's not only women who judge. "Men may value it and its size more so than females [do]." My Penis Is Just Right: A Man On His Size