The Deeper Reason Trying To Be 'Feminine' Makes Single Women So Miserable

If trying to embrace and radiate your femininity is making you miserable, you're likely relying too much on your physical appearance to capture (and keep) a guy's interest.

This is understandable since the primary examples of femininity in our culture all tend to focus on what men define as feminine. This plays out in the media—movies, television, magazines, advertising, and so on.

But the truth is—if you're not successfully connecting with the true meaning (and feeling) of femininity, there are reasons why.

Men say they wish women were more "feminine"

Many dating and relationship experts suggest that women lean into their feminine energy. But what does this actually mean?

The media constantly reinforces the idea that men are only drawn to flawlessly made-up, slender (yet subtly curvy) women with long, luxurious hair, wearing shapely dresses and stilettos. And we've all seen this play out in real life when a man feels attracted to a physically beautiful woman who bats her eyelashes, flirts and gives him lingering glances.

As a result, women yearning for that male attention get carried away trying to attain unrealistic beauty standards with boob jobs, facelifts, Botox, Restylane, and hair extensions, but then find they're still not truly happy, still don't feel beautiful (or feminine), nor are they in a loving relationship.

Until the media and society open up to the bigger truth that femininity is more than skin deep, we will continue buying into the notion that femininity is mostly about physical appearance.

If your physical appearance isn't bringing you success in love, it's OK to stop buying into this false notion about femininity.

Because the real essence of being feminine is much more than what you wear and how you look. The real essence of femininity is your inner sparkle that radiates outward from your being.

Here are three ways to cultivate and bring out your own unique inner feminine essence:

1. Relax and let it be.

If you're worried about your love life and trying hard to make things happen, let go a little. When you relax and allow even just a little ease in, you enjoy the moment and see things for what they are, instead of what you imagine they "should be." Here are some ways to relax:

Get clear on your vision of love. What's most important for you to have in love, your ideal partner, and your relationship? Make choices each day in favor of that vision, then let go and watch things happen as they're meant to.
Let a man initiate contact and dates. When you let him pursue you, he gets to show up as a gentleman and you get to enjoy the benefits of being wooed. Instead of wondering what's going on, you learn his true feelings and intentions for you.

2. Get comfortable being you.

Trying to get a guy to like you cause you to twist yourself into a second or third-rate version of who you truly are. Instead of sacrificing your true self, get comfortable with the real you. This helps you relate and connect with others at a deeper, more meaningful level.

Here are some ways to become comfortable with the real you:

Enjoy being alone. Instead of focusing on a guy, get to know who you truly are. The benefits of doing so help you love yourself more, even the quirky parts that you wish were different. When you enjoy being alone, you are more likely to only let a guy into your life who adds happiness.
Share yourself authentically. Speak your truth, even if your voice shakes. Practice saying what's really on your mind and how you truly feel. The more you do so, the freer you will feel. And in the process, you will attract more guys interested in the real you.

3. Don't waste time (or energy) trying to prove yourself.

Men rarely find your efforts to prove yourself endearing. This is because you come across as "masculine" and things feel too much like a competition. And, giving too much or doing whatever he wants makes you seem needy and desperate.

Here are some ways to prove less:

Let multiple perspectives exist. It's human nature to want to always be right. Yet, in many instances, there is no right or wrong. Instead of arguing a point or convincing him to see things your way, let multiple perspectives exist (unless they are immoral or unethical). When it comes to love, wouldn't you rather be loved than right? Wouldn't you rather connect instead of competing? If you have to prove a point, do it like a lady, NOT like a man. Listen and understand his point of view, and handle things in a respectful manner. Don't make him wrong; you just happen to see things differently.
Live your own life. Instead of losing yourself in a guy or relationship, keep your friendships and do things you're passionate about. When you're happily living your life, you send the message, "I love my life, and if you want to remain a part of it, then join me. If not, it's OK." You are a prize; let a guy show you why you should choose him.

What to expect while slowly cultivating your feminine essence:

While cultivating your feminine essence, you may feel uncomfortable and vulnerable. Should this happen, you may fall back to focusing on "being feminine" as achieving a specific physical appearance. While there's nothing wrong with that, just remember that lipstick, mascara, and high heels can't replace the real inner sparkle that radiates from your being.

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You can't fake this sparkle, and if you're looking for a deep and meaningful connection with a masculine man, invest time in letting the inner you truly shine.

That is the secret of connecting to true femininity.

How has your perception of being feminine changed after reading this article?

Janet Ong Zimmerman is the founder of Love for Successful Women, and creator of the Woo Course: 9 Juicy Ways to Bring Out a Man's Desire to Woo You. She works with successful women who are self-aware, courageous and committed to finding the love they desire.