Just because he's "nice" doesn't mean he won't hurt you. Here's how (and why) ...
There's a good deal written about bad boys: how to recognize them and how to avoid getting your heart broken. But, bad boys aren't the only dangerous men out there in the dating world.
You need to watch out for the "super nice guys," too.
What's so dangerous about a super nice guy? Well, just like a super nice women, super nice guys bend over backwards to avoid hurting your feelings. They want to avoid conflict at any cost and so they "make nice." They shy away from expressing how they really feel if they think you won't agree.
The danger of getting involved with a super nice guy is that they send mixed messages about how they feel.
You think he's being open with you, yet something doesn't feel quite right. He talks about the future and says just what you want to hear; he wants marriage and kids. Naturally, you assume that since you two are dating, this future dream of his includes you. But does it?
Something doesn't seem quite right and you can't put your finger on it. You find yourself second-guessing your feelings and questioning the truth of your relationship.
Here's what makes this situation so hard. A super nice guy really cares about you and enjoys your company, but he also will do anything to avoid hurting your feelings; he will never admit he's not in love with you!
Rather than make waves, he'll spend his time with you until someone better comes along.
You're not who he envisioned for his future, but he's afraid to tell you. He doesn't want to lose your company or the comfort of having someone he likes to go out with. He doesn't want you thinking he's a bad guy either. So, you're easy and "good enough" to fill the time until that truly special woman comes along.
How do you recognize the guy who is super nice? Here are five signs to watch out for:
- He talks about the future without including you specifically.
- He attends to your needs more than his own, usually out of guilt for not feeling fully engaged with you.
- He avoids disagreements, preferring always to keep things status quo between you.
- When you ask him directly how he feels about you, he's unsure and indirect. He may say he deeply cares for you, but follows that with, "I need more time," or, "I'm not ready for a full commitment yet."
- Your relationship seems to plateau at a certain point and stops growing.
Super nice guys can end up wasting a lot of your precious time. The mixed messages he sends leave you feeling conflicted about breaking up with him because after all, he treats you so well and he obviously likes you.
Let's face it, sometimes you choose the easy way, too. You can rationalize that having a boyfriend is better than being alone. You can tell yourself that maybe his feelings will change.
But then you're being just like him—settling.
True love relationships grow deeper and stronger with time. If that isn't happening, you'll have to become the "bad guy" and break it off.