“Was he acting weird?”
“She seemed bored.”
“It used to be wonderful. What happened?”
People ask themselves questions like these all of the time when they’re think something is “off” in their love relationship or marriage. When you can spend regular face-to-face time with your partner, it’s easier to follow up on that sinking feeling and figure out whether you really should be worried or if you just misread the situation.
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Not so easy when you’re in a long distance relationship.
When you don’t have the luxury of time together holding hands, hugging, kissing or regular uninterrupted talk, doubts can build and cause a whole lot of stress, strain and problems. Think about how you act when you believe that something is wrong with your relationship: defensive, needy, clingy, insecure and maybe even hostile.
Most people unintentionally push their love away as worries grow. Some make a conscious decision to shut out their partner, certain that he or she will be breaking up soon.
You don’t have to suffer through another anxious moment! Get facts that will really help you to know when there’s something potentially wrong in your long distance relationship and when there’s not.
#1: Different rules.
We’ve all got unique “rules” that reflect our expectations for what we want and how we think things should be. In a relationship, the trick is to communicate about rules openly, honestly and without judgment. If you and your partner often make each other wrong for having different rules or if you’re stuck and can’t resolve a big conflict in rules, this can mean trouble.
#2: One-sided effort.
It can be miserable to feel like you’re doing all the work in your relationship. You are always the one to call or text. You are the one traveling the miles for a visit. You are the one waiting by the computer for some response. This might merely reflect that you and your partner have different needs for how frequently you communicate or it might mean your partner isn’t as committed as you are.
#3: Feel like you “have to.”
When talking or connecting in with your partner feels like a chore or a lot of work, this can be a bad sign for your relationship. Anytime you are acting from obligation instead of eagerness and excitement, something is out of whack. Start with your own thoughts and approach to making connections. When a “have to” or “should” comes to mind about your partner, back up and ask yourself what you really want to do instead.
#4: Jealousy dominates.
Jealousy is a relationship killer and especially so in a long distance relationship. If your conversations revolve around interrogations, accusations or wariness about setting off jealousy in one (or both) of you, you’ve definitely got a problem.
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