Don't give up!
Whether you’re having sex for the first time or the thousandth, it’s no fun when problems crop up. Yet, for as horrified as we often are about sex problems and as much as we have trouble dealing with them, they are SUPER common.
If you and your partner are experiencing a sex issue, you are NOT alone. Most people encounter at least one bump in the road in their sex lives, and many will experience quite a few. Instead of dwelling on the problem, your best bet is to look for a solution as soon as possible.
Below, I will discuss some of the most common sex problems out there, as well ways you can work to find a solution. If you’re experiencing some of these problems, know that they don’t always resolve themselves right away, but things will improve with consistent effort over time.
1. He finishes too quickly
One of the MOST common sex problems I hear about is that guys "finish" too quickly. Understandably, this can be very frustrating for both parties, especially if it happens over and over again.
Consider using a desensitizing cream to help him hold off longer, or have him do kegel exercises to strengthen his pelvic region, and thus be able to exert more control. If there's still a problem, consider asking him to speak to his doctor, because there are prescription medications that may help.
If no matter what you do this still poses a problem, then have an honest talk about how it really affects your relationship and if it's SO much of an issue that you need to work something else out.
2. He has trouble keeping it up for an extended period of time
If your guy is having issues staying hard, you'll be happy to know that there’s a pill for that! Tons of women who experience this problem with men wonder if there's (a) there’s something wrong with the guy, or (b) if there’s something wrong with themselves.
Despite what you may have heard, just because he can't stay hard doesn’t mean the he isn’t in to you (or isn’t in to women in general). This is a physiological problem with a physiological answer, so don’t hesitate to seek it out.
This issue may be particularly maddening because it can happen at any point in the sexual process, and he honestly may not be able to explain why. Don’t get angry or upset with him — instead, try to talk it through. The two of you may even benefit from counseling to help with any emotional turmoil that might come along with this.
3. He has a higher sex drive than you
High sex drive is very common in guys. If your man is always bugging you for sex you don’t want to give, it’s helpful to find other solutions. Make it clear that it’s okay with you for him to watch porn (unless it isn’t), or give him smaller sexual favors such as hand jobs or blow jobs. These things can easily help him blow off some steam and keep you from having to work hard to keep him satisfied so often.
In rare cases, you might consider an open relationship so that he can see other girls as well (and you can see other guys - no one-way streets here!), which might help satisfy his insatiable sex drive.
Of course, sometimes it’s the woman who has a higher sex drive, and if this is the case, there’s nothing wrong with that! You can use the same techniques to deal with your sexual urges too. Just make sure that whatever route you take has his approval too; seeking sex outside the relationship without his knowing is just cheating, so don’t go there.
4. He has ZERO sex drive
A rare, but still a relatively widespread problem, is when the man has NO sex drive. This can be due to any number of reasons, including depression, poor health and medication. Start by suggesting to him that he start exercising more regularly. Improving his diet and sleeping more can also help improve mood and ramp up his sex drive.
If the problem runs deeper than that, he definitely needs to talk to his doctor about whether medication is affecting his libido. Low testosterone can also be a problem, so some men benefit from hormone therapy. Instead of taking it personally (it really isn’t you), try to help your man find the solution.
5. He watches way too much porn
Porn is a healthy outlet for sexual urges, but sometimes it can pose an issue if it becomes a substitute for the loving intercourse that you should be having. Have an honest talk about how you feel about him watching porn, but make sure you listen to his side, too. His reasons matter.
Does he do it because it fulfills a need to have private sexual experiences? Does he do it because he doesn’t get enough attention from you?
Another reason this might be a serious sex problem is if you are offended by porn. If that’s the case, your relationship may not work. Most experts agree that porn is a beneficial outlet for men and women alike. If you're opposed to it, however, you may need to seek out a relationship where the man is on the same page.
6. He's selfish in bed
A common sex problem reported by women (but rarely reported by men) is that their lovers are selfish. They take, but they don’t give. They have sex willingly, but they don’t make sure their partners are satisfied – sometimes they fall asleep directly after intercourse.
This sex problem is solvable, but only if you’re willing to be totally honest about your needs. If you’re too shy to tell your man what you want or what you’re missing, you can’t blame him for not giving it to you – but if you’re open and it avails you nothing, it might be time to break up.
Most issues you face in the bedroom are surmountable, and your relationship will move on to happier, easier times. Occasionally, a sex problem can prove the downfall of a relationship, though this is more common if there’s an addiction component, rather than if the matter is purely physical.
Before giving up on your relationship, try addressing the problem on your own and perhaps with a specialist to see if you can fix it – chances are you can.