Be A Tease: Give Him A Lap Dance


How To Give A Lap Dance He Won't Forget
Strap on your stilettos, it's time for class!

Have you ever fantasized about transfixing your guy with a slow striptease? Do you want to tap into your inner diva and master the art of seduction? 

As the sex experts at, we hear from men and women all over the world who want to improve their sex lives and become better lovers. One of the most common questions is how to initiate sex. Women especially want to know how to make the leap from everyday life into the erotic realm of pleasure.


Lap dancing is one way to grab your lover's attention and slip into a sexy zone where you can connect, get intimate and savor one another's touch. Here's your guide to mastering the basics of lap dancing for your lover. Prepare to become an irresistible vixen!

Lap Dancing Tip #1: Make It An Occasion

Lap dancing isn't an everyday activity, but a seductive gift you can offer your man for special occasions. Save this sensual gift for his birthday, a promotion, your anniversary or when you are on a romantic vacation together.

Erotic dance has been used for thousands of years to seduce, celebrate and share sensuality. Since tribal feasts under the stars, women have learned how to dance in ways that captivate their audience and build desire. In modern culture, erotic dance is confined to strip clubs and music videos, but it doesn't have to be! You can learn how to give your lover a lap dance that makes you feel incredibly sexy and transports your lover to a zone of pure passion. Imagine your lover being completely spellbound by your every move, quivering with desire, ready to follow your every command. Learn to lap dance, and you gain tremendous erotic power and confidence.

Lap Dancing Tip #2: Practice Your Moves

Long before you give your man a lap dance, start dancing for your own pleasure. Find a few songs that you find sexy and seductive and then practice dancing to them, enjoying the way the moves feel in your body. Ditch the mirror and don't worry about what looks sexy. Focus on what feels sexy to you.

One of our Pleasure Mechanics Golden Rules is Get Out Of Your Head, Get Into Your Hips! Women spend too much energy worrying about how they look, what their lover is thinking and if they are performing adequately enough. Take all of that energy and focus on how you FEEL. Bring the focus of your attention down into your body and notice the sensations of pleasurable movement.

Start with your hips. Place your hands on your hips and sway your hips left and right. Notice how your whole body curves in response. Then thrust your hips forward and notice how your spine arches. All of these bends and curves are crazy sexy to behold. Have a little extra flesh? Use it to your advantage and accentuate your curves as you bend and sway with the music.

Find a song that you love dancing to. It may be a fast, booty thumping song that makes you feel feisty and alive. Or you may prefer a sensual dance to a slow love song. Find the songs that make you feel most alive, most erotically charged and most ready to seduce your lover. Then dance to the song over and over again until you are at ease moving and swaying to the rhythm. You don't have to choreograph a whole routine, just find a few good moves that feels sexy to you.

Need inspiration? We've put together an entire page of inspiring videos that will show you the huge range of sensual dance moves you can make your own. Check it out over at

The more confident you feel, the more desire you will build in your audience of one!

Lap Dancing Tip #3: Prepare the Space

When you are ready to give your man a lap dance, take a few moments to prepare the space. Clear the floor around your most comfortable chair. Imagine your man sitting in the chair, beaming at you with love and appreciation. Make sure you can walk all the way around the chair so you can dance in a 360-degree circle of seduction!

Dim the lights if you can. You may even want to buy colored light bulbs to create a new atmosphere. Grab a few red light bulbs from your local hardware store in order to pretend you are in another world together. It doesn't take much to create the thrill of novelty! Or, flood the room with candlelight; the flickering golden light will make you look and feel like the goddess you are!

Create an atmosphere that makes you feel sexy, seductive and in the mood to dance. As you prepare the space, start taking long deep breaths and get yourself in the zone.

Lap Dancing Tip #4: Prepare Your Body and Mind

What you wear for your lap dancing performance is totally up to you. You can go all out and dress up in your finest dress and high heels, go out on a date and give your lover a lap dance as dessert. Or you can hide gorgeous lingerie under casual clothes and surprise him on Sunday morning. Make it your own: a lap dance should be an authentic expression of your sexuality!

You'll be getting very close and intimate with your lover, so take the time to take a long shower or bath and anoint yourself with a scent you love. You'll feel more confident and relaxed if you take a few moments to tend to your body before you present yourself to your lover.

Set aside all worries about mundane life. Ditch your to-do lists. Mindfully step into the role of seductress. Your only job for the next stretch of time is to feel so good in your body that you cast a spell, seducing your lover into your pleasure zone. As much as you are giving a gift to your lover, you are also giving yourself the gift of a time to feel sexy, fully alive and sensually awake.

Lap Dancing Tip #5:  Build Anticipation

Don't tell your man what he has in store for him, but hint that you have something special to offer him. Then, get him seated in the comfortable chair in the room you have prepared. Bring him his favorite drink. Let him wonder what is coming next.

Start your lap dance in whatever style you prefer. You can put the music on and then make an entrance. Or just turn away, look over your shoulder as the song begins, wink at him and start to move. Whatever you do, commit fully. Trust us, he is NOT going to be evaluating your dance moves. He is going to be thrilled at the opportunity to take in all of your beauty and will love the confidence with which you present your body.

Don't worry about getting every move right and just let yourself have fun with it. Your own pleasure is the secret sauce that will make your lap dance the most memorable of his life. So own your power, move for your own pleasure and know that you are giving him the profound gift of watching your gorgeous body dance!

Lap Dancing Tip #6: Tease It Out

Start far away from him, and time your approach with the song so the last few moments are spent right on his lap. As you gain confidence you can even create a playlist for a multi-song seduction, starting slow and working up to serious grinding on his lap. But to start, pick one song and know that you have three to five minutes to give it your all.

From far away, make eye contact with him and slowly start moving into your dance. Then peel away one item of clothing at a time - or leave it all on! Striptease and lap dancing can be combined or done one at a time. If it makes you feel more confident, leave all your clothes on and leave the undressing for later. Or strip down just to your lingerie. This is your expression, so do what makes you feel best.

As you move, slowly approach him and then back away. Make him wonder what is coming next. Then move around behind him, lightly stroking his hair and shoulders. Let him feel your breasts and hair graze the nape of his neck.

Then circle back around. Your goal is to tease him as much as possible, making him ache to touch you.

If he tries to reach out and touch you, playfully slap his hand around and firmly say "No touching!" Then dance just inches away from him. The denial will make him all the hotter.

Lap Dancing Tip #7: Keep It Simple

Once you have built up anticipation, start dancing closer to him. When you feel ready, let the climax of the lap dance begin. Turn so you are facing away from him and slowly let your hips sink closer and closer to his lap. He may or may not be fully erect - remember that an erection is NOT a full measure of his arousal, so don't worry about how hard he is.

Here are 4 simple moves for once you are dancing in his lap. Remember these and you'll be able to do an amazing lap dance, no choreography required!

  • Start by swaying your hips left and right. This simple move is surprisingly powerful. Add a little dip by bending your knees as you sway.
  • Lower your hips so they are just barely above his pants and then move your hips in circles in time with the music.
  • Try a pelvic tilt — thrusting your hips forward and back. Give your hips an extra push as you move back to make your booty bounce in a delicious way!
  • The fourth move you can try is a simple bounce squat. Position yourself squarely above his lap and then squat quickly up and down, bouncing on his lap without ever making full contact. This move is a huge tease and turn-on. Play with speed — start with slow squats and then bring up the tempo until you are bouncing in the air, just above him.

Glance over your shoulder once in a while and make eye contact. He'll want to both look in your eyes and at your beautiful body — the desire to do both will be a delightful form of erotic tease!

Lap Dancing Tip #8: Finish Strong

When you are ready to finish off as the song comes to an end, turn around so you are facing him, straddling one or both of his legs. Then do the same four moves: sway, thrust, circle and bounce.

Facing your lover means that your breasts (covered or not, they will still be a treat) will be at about face level. Use this to your advantage, and as you move your hips around his lap pay attention to all the delicious ways you can tease him.

When the song comes to an end, you have two choices. You can settle right into his lap and then let the charge take you into making out (and whatever other intimate activities you have on your mind!). Or, you can get up and strut right out of the room, leaving him out of breath and dazzled by your presence. Remember, you are in charge!

Lap Dancing Tip #9: Love Thyself

Choosing to give your lover a lap dance is a very powerful step towards more sexual confidence, in and out of the bedroom. When you can accept that fact that you are gorgeous and a worthy object of his attention, you start to forget to care about the little imperfections and instead focus on the incredible pleasure your body can feel. Lap dancing is a gift for both of you. Your lover gets the joy and arousal of watching you dance, and you get all of the pleasure of feeling like a powerful seductress.

Remember, start the journey by setting aside time to dance in private and bring your awareness to how much pleasure you can feel just by moving to one of your favorite songs. For inspiration, check out our Sensual Dance Playlist.

Sensual dance sets you free and brings you back in touch with the innate pleasure of being in a human body. Once you feel great and are ready to seduce your lover with a lap dance, follow the steps in this guide and you'll create a potent pleasure spell that is sure to transport you both.

Wherever you are in life, you have the power to create the amazing sex life you deserve. We are here to guide you every step of the way. Visit us at and discover the proven strategies you need to have the sex life you've been dreaming about!

More on Lap Dances on YourTango: 

Article contributed by
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Pleasure Mechanics

Sex Educator

Ready to become a better lover and unleash way more pleasure? We're here to guide you every step of the way!

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