She's Doing Threesomes & He's Doing Lonesome

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She's Doing Threesomes & He's Doing Lonesome
Learn why you must date only those who share your values and sexual boundares!

"Adam" recently wrote me with this question: "Should I be tolerant when it comes to a girlfriend hanging out with ex-lovers? They are not people she dated, but people she has slept with. Recently, she blew me off for a “friend” coming into town and I found out the “friend” was someone she had a threesome with. The "friend" was also spending the night at her apartment. She was not upfront or honest about it. She had other recent ex-lovers she wanted to hang out with, too. I broke it off because I’m not cool with it. I said she should give these people up if she wants to be with me or at least make the effort to explain why I should be comfortable with it. Did I do the right thing?" He Wants To Have A Threesome & That's Just Not Happening

My answer is for Adam, and for anyone else going through a similar scenario. There are major red flags all over this “relationship.” No, it’s not okay to have threesomes, and it’s not okay to have someone you once had a threesome with spend the night with you while you blow off your boyfriend. It’s not okay, that is, if you want a committed relationship that is built around love and fidelity. Post Valentine's Day—How to Be Happily In Love Next Year

What are your values? What is okay and not okay with you? If you don’t have any sexual boundaries yourself, you can’t expect your partner to have them. But if you do have moral and emotional boundaries about sex, then date someone who shares your values. You are fooling yourself if you think the other person will change. If you are not clear about your own values with regard to sexuality, that's a great reason to get counseling or coaching. Are You Running Away From Love?

Article contributed by

Nina Atwood

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Nina Atwood, M.Ed., LPC
The Singlescoach®
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Location: Dallas, TX
Credentials: LPC
Specialties: Communication Problems, Couples/Marital Issues, Dating/Being Single Support
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