She's Doing Threesomes & He's Doing Lonesome

By

She's Doing Threesomes & He's Doing Lonesome
Learn why you must date only those who share your values and sexual boundares!

"Adam" recently wrote me with this question: "Should I be tolerant when it comes to a girlfriend hanging out with ex-lovers? They are not people she dated, but people she has slept with. Recently, she blew me off for a “friend” coming into town and I found out the “friend” was someone she had a threesome with. The "friend" was also spending the night at her apartment. She was not upfront or honest about it. She had other recent ex-lovers she wanted to hang out with, too. I broke it off because I’m not cool with it. I said she should give these people up if she wants to be with me or at least make the effort to explain why I should be comfortable with it. Did I do the right thing?" He Wants To Have A Threesome & That's Just Not Happening

My answer is for Adam, and for anyone else going through a similar scenario. There are major red flags all over this “relationship.” No, it’s not okay to have threesomes, and it’s not okay to have someone you once had a threesome with spend the night with you while you blow off your boyfriend. It’s not okay, that is, if you want a committed relationship that is built around love and fidelity. Post Valentine's Day—How to Be Happily In Love Next Year

What are your values? What is okay and not okay with you? If you don’t have any sexual boundaries yourself, you can’t expect your partner to have them. But if you do have moral and emotional boundaries about sex, then date someone who shares your values. You are fooling yourself if you think the other person will change. If you are not clear about your own values with regard to sexuality, that's a great reason to get counseling or coaching. Are You Running Away From Love?

Article contributed by
Advanced Member

Nina Atwood

Author

Nina Atwood, M.Ed., LPC
The Singlescoach®
Visit my website for FREE resources!
Visit my author page on amazon.com
Love Strategies Internet Radio
 

Location: Dallas, TX
Credentials: LPC
Specialties: Communication Problems, Couples/Marital Issues, Dating/Being Single Support
Other Articles/News by Nina Atwood:

Don't Settle! It's Not Doing Either Of You Any Favors

By

I am currently in a Settle-For Relationship. My problem is I always get into these and don’t have the courage to back out of them so I always get to the commitment part and continue on. I have been with my girlfriend for 5 months now and I am not happy and I want to end it with her, but I can't do it due to guilt. I feel as though she won’t be ... Read more

The Real Reason Rejection Hurts So Much

By

If you have ever felt devastated by rejection, you are not alone. Recent research shows why: our brains don’t know the difference between the emotional pain of being rejected and actual physical pain. Erin dated John for six months. While he was still checking her out, she was falling deeply in love. Finally, he couldn't deny the reality: they ... Read more

Mixed Signals In Dating: Many Lessons To Learn

By

Dear Singles Coach: If a man treats you like a queen but has a "friend" (he never calls her a girl friend) that he says he is not committed to, should I run?  He seems wonderful and has helped me tremendously in the last two years, but his signals are very confusing. When I am around him, he is attentive, affectionate (hugs and brief lip ... Read more

See More

Ask The Experts

Have a dating or relationship question?
Visit Ask YourTango and let our experts and community answer.

FROM AROUND THE WEB