Are You Running Away From Love?

By

fear of commitment
There are ways to stop running away from relationships and let yourself love and be loved!

Everyone knows about the commitment-phobic guy, but what's really not talked about is the woman who shies away from a true connection. Not long ago, "Marin" asked me how to handle her avoidance of relationships. Witnessing her parents' divorce and experiencing the resulting trauma in the family, she'd made a conscious decision to make sure she never found herself trapped in a bad relationship. Like so many in her shoes, she was confusing the issues, and making choices based on the wrong criteria.

Dealing with your own parents' divorce isn't easy. Like Marin, you may conclude that if they divorced after decades, someone stayed way too long, so you'll make sure you jump ship before it sinks. The reality is that long term married couples often throw in the towel because they don't realize there is a way out of chronic marital issues. Since poor communication is often at the root, learning a new way to speak and listen to one another can make a world of difference. I call it Soul Talk, and it is absolutely vital for modern couples to learn how to communicate well. Research shows that it is normal to have one to three issues that you never resolve over decades of marriage; the key is that you understand how to respectfully discuss them. 5 Communication Issues in Relationships

Tool number one for anyone who is shying away from relationships is great communication skills. That leads to a new model of love—one of love, forgiveness, and healthy re-connection.

Next, Marin and others like her need to understand when it's appropriate to stay and when it's appropriate to leave a relationship. When two people date for years and then break up, that tells me they stayed too long. Why? Because it is usually fundamental differences in values and lifestyle that cause long-term dating relationships to end. Or, it is a lack of sufficient love and commitment on the part of one or both. You succumbed to the temptation to "settle" up front. The answer is better boundaries. Know yourself and what you want; desire a relationship but never need it. Don't Settle For Mr. Or Ms. Wrong

Continue reading...

More Juicy Content From YourTango:

Article contributed by

Nina Atwood

Author

Nina Atwood, M.Ed., LPC
The Singlescoach®
Visit my website for FREE resources!
Visit my author page on amazon.com
Love Strategies Internet Radio
 

Location: Dallas, TX
Credentials: LPC
Specialties: Communication Problems, Couples/Marital Issues, Dating/Being Single Support
Other Articles/News by Nina Atwood:

Are You Settling In Relationships?

By

Note: This article is a follow-up to Don't Settle! It's Not Doing Either Of You Any Favors. Settling for less is a sign of giving up — on yourself, on your romance, and on the possibility of having a great relationship. Sometimes it is a symptom of underlying problems that haven't been addressed in the relationship. Sometimes it ... Read more

Don't Settle! It's Not Doing Either Of You Any Favors

By

I am currently in a Settle-For Relationship. My problem is I always get into these and don’t have the courage to back out of them so I always get to the commitment part and continue on. I have been with my girlfriend for 5 months now and I am not happy and I want to end it with her, but I can't do it due to guilt. I feel as though she won’t be ... Read more

The Real Reason Rejection Hurts So Much

By

If you have ever felt devastated by rejection, you are not alone. Recent research shows why: our brains don’t know the difference between the emotional pain of being rejected and actual physical pain. Erin dated John for six months. While he was still checking her out, she was falling deeply in love. Finally, he couldn't deny the reality: they ... Read more

See More

Ask The Experts

Have a dating or relationship question?
Visit Ask YourTango and let our experts and community answer.