Everyone knows about the commitment-phobic guy, but what's really not talked about is the woman who shies away from a true connection. Not long ago, "Marin" asked me how to handle her avoidance of relationships. Witnessing her parents' divorce and experiencing the resulting trauma in the family, she'd made a conscious decision to make sure she never found herself trapped in a bad relationship. Like so many in her shoes, she was confusing the issues, and making choices based on the wrong criteria.
Dealing with your own parents' divorce isn't easy. Like Marin, you may conclude that if they divorced after decades, someone stayed way too long, so you'll make sure you jump ship before it sinks. The reality is that long term married couples often throw in the towel because they don't realize there is a way out of chronic marital issues. Since poor communication is often at the root, learning a new way to speak and listen to one another can make a world of difference. I call it Soul Talk, and it is absolutely vital for modern couples to learn how to communicate well. Research shows that it is normal to have one to three issues that you never resolve over decades of marriage; the key is that you understand how to respectfully discuss them. 5 Communication Issues in Relationships
Next, Marin and others like her need to understand when it's appropriate to stay and when it's appropriate to leave a relationship. When two people date for years and then break up, that tells me they stayed too long. Why? Because it is usually fundamental differences in values and lifestyle that cause long-term dating relationships to end. Or, it is a lack of sufficient love and commitment on the part of one or both. You succumbed to the temptation to "settle" up front. The answer is better boundaries. Know yourself and what you want; desire a relationship but never need it. Don't Settle For Mr. Or Ms. Wrong
More Juicy Content From YourTango: