Round and round you go! It's time to get off the merry go round now and change your ways.
Trying to get back with an ex can sometimes lead you to feel like a gerbil in a scientific experiment. You work so hard to obtain a goal but end up shocked by the results. The most likely reason for this is that you (not unlike a gerbil) consistently try the same ploy: you attempt over and over again to change your ex’s mind. Believing in doing so you will change their heart.
But, as any good rodent will tell you, doing the same thing will result in the same outcome. Thus, you have to get far away from the gerbil mentality (insert Richard Gere joke here). You have to try a new route, something that will prove more effective. Rather than changing your ex’s mind, you need to concentrate on changing their mood. This begins by understanding the Law of Secret Intimacy.
The Law of Secret Intimacy
When two people breakup, the party who got dumped (the person deemed the "dumpee") often asks about reconciliation. They ask how they can make it better or what they can do. But, by doing this, they make the party who did the dumping (the person saddled with the unfortunate name of "dumper") shoulder the responsibility. When it really takes two to end a relationship.
This doesn't work for two reasons: first of all, the dumpee is the one who wants something (they want to reconcile). So, the onus of fulfilling this goal lies on them (you will work harder to achieve your goals than others will work to help you achieve them).
Think about it this way: when Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall that fated day in Fairly Tale Land, he fell off and broke apart. Then, instead of taking matters into his own hands, he relied on all the king's horses and all the king's men to put him back together again. Yet, they failed (but probably had themselves a nice Denver Omelet). Had Humpty tried to put things back together himself, the outcome may have been different.
The other reason asking the dumper about reconciliation doesn't work is because of the Law of Secret Intimacy. In life, there are certain laws that are always at work: what goes up must come down, objects in motion stay in motion, and washing your car is the surest way to make it snow.
In love, laws are also at work: the law of attraction, honesty, and the actual law (which prohibits things like having sex in a subway (rapid transit system or sandwich shop). But, when it comes to getting your ex back, the law of secret intimacy is the one most applicable.
The law of secret intimacy deals mainly with one relationship truth: the better you know someone, the better they expect you to know them. In other words, the person who dumped you expects you to know what they need and what they want. They expect you to create the game plan for getting back together without asking them to call all the plays.
Mind Over Matter But Mood Over Both
The concept of changing someone's mood and not their mind is fairly simple it's based on a few factors. The first factor is that peoples' minds are rarely changed (once they are made up, they are made up for good). The second factor is that someone's mood is easily altered, and this alteration can lead to memories and hopes of happier times.
Take, for example, your own experiences: chances are there have been times when you've found yourself in a rotten mood. Perhaps you got a speeding ticket or beat out for a big promotion by “Brown-Nose Brenda.” You may have found yourself angry, upset, and sulking. Then, suddenly, someone walks by wearing the same cologne your grandpa used to wear. You are drawn into the memory and your mood automatically lightens. Your mind isn’t changed (you are still thinking of keying Brenda’s car), but your mood is much better.
This concept works well with relationships: you can help change your ex’s mood by reminding them of happier times or even of future times. This change in mood ultimately leads to your ex associating you with different words (replacing things like “anger” with “laughter”) and allows them to remember why they once loved you. Once this door is open, reconciliation is often waiting on the other side.
To discover how you can get your ex back by using the Law of Intimacy, click here.
More love advice from Yourtango:
- 5 Ways To Be Happy About Your Love Life Right Now!
- I Love You: 15 Ways Guys Say It Without Saying It
- 50 Love Quotes We Adore