In all the years that we have been saying to clients, "Intentions equal results," this past couple weeks was the first time the concept of "setting intentions" really seemed to resonate with people. Instead of setting resolutions, sites like Facebook were ablaze with people setting their intentions for the year.
One is about goals and the other is about mindset. Consider how nutritionists and dietitians look for lifestyle changes to help people with optimizing their health (and losing weight). They look less at quick fixes like giving up carbs or cabbage soup diets, and more at long-term changes that make slow, meaningful impact. Using the dieting analogy, you're going to have far better success in the long run if you make a lifestyle change than if you go on a "lose 15 pounds" diet. In fact, eventually, for most dieters, the lack of change to their lifestyle is why the pounds creep back or they fail altogether. How To Get A Good Divorce
The same difference applies to resolutions vs. intentions. Setting an intention about your life encourages a change at more of a core level. When done correctly, intentions have the ability to create lifelong changes as opposed to "once a year" changes that often fail after the first few weeks.
How does this apply to divorce? For struggling couples, January is an active time. We know that January is the most popular month for US divorces. Why? A whole host of reasons, including that people either gave their relationships one last ditch effort over the holidays (often for the children's sake) or they simply couldn't bear to think of tying the ending of their marriage with the holidays. Groundhog Day: How To Apologize & Get Your Own Do-Over
If you've found yourself in this uncomfortable, yet crowded boat this winter, you're not alone. Navigating these waters is painful, tricky and tenuous. Yet, some people do genuinely bounce back after divorce. What sets them apart from the folks that get stuck in the grief, is that those who thrive set their intentions on healing and creating a better life. They know that once the grief passes, on the other side awaits a life that is better than the one they are leaving behind.
We don't intend the difficulty that occurs in life to happen, but in the scheme of things, what we intend to make happen does make all the difference. In other words, what you put "out there" in your words, thoughts and actions is what you will attract to your life. If your intention is to thrive through divorce, then nothing will hold you back from making that happen.
As you go through your divorce, it's important to remember that the other side of the grief is a time to start fresh. The gift to you for all of your pain is a clean slate to create the life you want. Divorce closes a door. It's saying goodbye to the life, dreams, aspirations and wishes you had with one person for good. "Good Divorce" Is Not an Oxymoron
At some point, the time comes to ask yourself: "Who have I become through all this?"
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