Sex is one reason couples come to Tantra - either to help put the spark back into their relationship or in the hope of curing some kind of sexual dysfunction. Below are some key principles which can help couples to find sexual fulfillment.
- Make time for love: Busy couples often make love at the end of a tiring day. Make special time for your love-making. Have a bath, exchange a massage, take a walk or meal together beforehand so you can let go of the day and spend time simply being together before making love.
- Create a sacred space: Make your bedroom your temple. Clear away all the clutter, light candles, burn incense, place a special cloth on your bed - do whatever you need to do to create an atmosphere of sacredness and love.
- See sex as sacred: When we are able to experience awe and wonder for the miracle of sex, we are in tune with godliness. To jump start this process, imagine your partner is a god or goddess - be creative! You could wash their feet, stroke their skin gently with reverence or gaze into their eyes - whatever helps you see the divine in them.
- No goal: Forget about the goal of orgasm. Learn to just be together in a timeless zone. This becomes more orgasmic than any genital release can ever be.
- Be total: breathe deeply and totally from your belly as much as you can - aliveness and let go are essential for the flow of sexual energy to become ecstatic.
- Allow sounds: The natural sounds, which arise during lovemaking need to be allowed and even enhanced in order to liberate heightened pleasure. Let go of worrying about the neighbours!
- Emotional fluidity: For full body orgasmic states, we need to be comfortable with expressing a full range of emotions as they arise during sex. The sexual response is deeply linked to all emotional states. Allow yourself to laugh, cry, shout if you need to.
- Loving yourself: Men and women each have their own unique way of diving into sexual pleasure. Learn what you need through self-pleasuring, loving and accepting yourself, and then communicate this to your partner.
- Give equal space to Yin and Yang elements during love union: There will be spaces of hot Yang passion during sex and there will also be opportunities for deep and tender melting into Yin. If lovers open up to equal waves of Yin, (the feminine quality) and Yang, (the masculine quality) during sexual union, they will be able to discover ultimate fulfilment.
Sarita runs a seven level training for couples, in which she explores these themes in great details. Or you can find many exercises to practise these ideas in one of her books, Tantric Love or Divine Sexuality.