I confess. I was completely overwhelmed by my divorce. Where once I had been on solid ground, now I was at sea without any sense of how I was going to stay afloat, never mind what direction I needed to take. I honestly didn’t know what to do. I was paralyzed, in limbo, while I tried to re-orient myself. And then when I did, I was overwhelmed by the confusing divorce process and my attorney’s sheer lack of empathy. I understand. It’s a business for him – but for me, it was my life. And now, after my divorce, I can honestly say that, even as a divorce coach, I am still overwhelmed by picking up the pieces of my life and re-building them in a way that serves and fulfills me. Ultimately, divorce is an overwhelming tidal wave of change that happens to you.
To me, that feeling of overwhelm is like being on the verge of drowning. It doesn’t feel as if you have any options in that space where you are just trying to hold on, to survive. Acting from this place, though, can lead you to make some serious, yet entirely avoidable, mistakes in the divorce process. Don’t let overwhelm hijack your divorce. You won’t like where it leaves you.
7 Common Divorce Mistakes To Avoid:
1. Forgetting That You Own The Process
In order to get what you want, you need to be an active participant in the divorce process. Your attorney can make suggestions, but ultimately, you are the decision-maker here. And to take ownership of this process, you need to know what you want. You need to understand and ask for those things that are most important to you. Re-building your life starts immediately and having a vision of what you want your life to be, during and after your divorce, will help you better manage your attorney (and save on attorney fees) and better navigate the divorce process.
2. Taking It Personally
Too many people get hung up on their anger, resentment and pain during the divorce process to focus on getting what they want. It’s all too easy to lash out when you, yourself, are in survival mode. Unfortunately, focusing on negative emotions is a distraction that will ultimately come back and haunt you. You need to focus on the big picture … what is best for YOU, rather than focusing on the hurt associated with your ex. If you don’t, your divorce will likely take a lot longer and cost a lot more than you realized. And it won’t set you up for creating a better life for yourself once the divorce is final. So, let it go and keep your focus on what’s most important for you.