Do you have a woman in your inner circle who always seems to have guys fall over themselves to do things for her? Long before I knew what I know now about men, I had a friend like that.
Kelly was petite and charming with a head of thick, long raven black hair and, at the time, appeared to have the super power ability to inspire men wherever she went to do things for her.
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Men would buy her drinks at bars, paint her living room, pick her up at 2am, fix her broken sink, give her spontaneous gifts and shower her in a multitude of ways with attention. It was fascinating to watch how men melted and morphed into knights in shining armor in her presence.
I have to admit, I envied her. Even though I was fun, confident and attractive, I would never receive the same level of attention Kelly inspired. Every man – even strangers – gravitated to her like moths to a flame and catered to her every whim. For the longest time I thought it was her looks but, that didn’t’ make sense because I observed other women like Kelly who attracted similar attention but weren’t nearly as attractive.
I also couldn’t figure out why men kept falling for this. I mean, how could men respect a woman who always needed to be taken care of? It wasn’t until I went on my own personal quest and spent 3 years listening to feedback from hundreds of men (and creating a worn out path in the self help section of my local book store) for me to finally crack this code for myself.
But man, was it ever worth it!
What Kelly (unbeknownst to her) had developed naturally was actually a 3 step formula:
1.She was proud to want things
2.Always assumed her needs would – and should – be met
3.Demonstrated her appreciation with either a big smile or “thank you”
Every book I read and man I spoke with affirmed how important it was to men to feel useful and needed by a woman. They admired independent women but, what really turned their crank, were women who clearly expressed their desires and followed up with appreciation.
I was brought up to believe men would be more attracted to me the more I demonstrated how self sufficient I was. Like “oh don’t worry guys, it’ll be no hassle going out with me because I can do everything myself”. Holy man, talk about putting on man repellent!
Running to open my own door, paying for half the bill on first dates, meeting men at restaurants and, in relationships, never asking for help, support or what I wanted. It makes me cringe to think of all the little and big ways I reminded men they weren’t needed.
This may look like a simple formula to follow but most women struggle with it. In an earlier article I touched on this:
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“Women are in limbo right now. Not Feminist, but not quite feminine either. They’ve become like men to make it in a man’s world and stuffed their femininity along the way so they won’t appear weak or needy.”
If this describes you, I want you to know this mindset is having a serious impact on your love life. The only way more love, intimacy and romance can come into your life is to make room for it. Allowing men to provide for you will create that opening.