Why Mr. Right Now makes you swoon instead of Mr. Right.
We've all been there. You're out with your friends, having a good time, hoping to finally meet that nice, honest, trustworthy, stable guy that meets all of the requirements on your list. He's Prince Charming in the flesh and fits into your white picket fence fantasy.
But while Mr. Nice Guy is walking right by you, your head turns towards that other guy that just walked in.
You know who I'm talking about. He's got that confident swagger that means he knows he's got it going on, he knows what he wants, and he knows how to get it. And he's got that, well, something about him that's just so, well … hot. And all the girls are checking him out.
A few days of whirlwind romance later, he's telling you that he'll see you around soon. He's not sure exactly when it will be, but he'll call you. (He doesn't.) That's when you realize it's happened again. You've fallen for a bad boy.
So, what is it that makes us fall for these guys that aren't right for us? Here are eight reasons why we can't resist dating bad boys:
1. He's ultra-confident.
Bad boys don't show even a hint of desperation. In fact, these guys know that if you're not interested, it's no big deal because they have tons of women that want them.
And that makes us want them even more. The problem is that they're not afraid to let you know that you're no big deal to them, if not in their words, then in their actions.
Find a guy who's confident and comfortable in his own skin, but also genuinely caring and compassionate. If you don't have the latter, you'll be heading for hurtsville.
2. He's very masculine.
He's buff, and looks like he works on his great bod for several hours a day. We all like to be literally swept off our feet, and the bad boy has the muscles to do it.
We also know that he'll protect us when we're suddenly caught in that street fight after a romantic evening downtown (because that actually happens, right?) So who doesn't like a strong guy with a great body?
Well, while it may be great to look at and feel against our own soft, feminine form, the over-enthusiastic body builder can also be vain, self-centered and a perfectionist. Since he's so into his own looks, he may also expect perfection out of you, and will most likely drop you as fast as he swept you up at the first sign of a few extra pounds.
Go for a guy that leads a healthy lifestyle but isn't obsessed with his body.
3. He's independent.
You can't control a bad boy. Bad boys do what they want, when they want, and it doesn't matter if it upsets you.
While this may feel exciting at first — we're wired to want the alpha male, the born leader, both for protection and his good genes — you still want a guy that respects your opinions and is considerate of your feelings.
Go for a guy that has his own mind, but is also willing to compromise.
4. He's unpredictable.
Bad boys are exciting and spontaneous, ready to jet off for an exotic vacation in a heartbeat, just for fun. They're always coming up with crazy (sometimes slightly illegal) ideas of things to do, which allows you to feel the rush of giving into your secret wild side.
This is great for a while until you're ready to settle down, get the little pink house in the suburbs, and raise the little ones, while he still wants to jet off and have fun.
You were so sure he'd change — after all, you changed, right? Wrong.
The truth is you knew all along that you were just temporarily having fun, while for him it's a permanent lifestyle. Go for a guy that's flexible but grounded, likes to have fun but isn't too crazy, and you'll have the best of both worlds.
5. He's unavailable.
Bad boys are typically unavailable, at least for a real relationship. We love this because people inherently want what's just out of reach — it's human nature.
Once we think something is scarce, in our minds it's more valuable. Nice guys actually want a relationship, and show us by being available; by calling when they say they will, and by setting up dates in advance so we know we're a priority.
But then we don’t like it, we think it's boring, or that he's not interesting enough for us, so we dump him. If this sounds like you, then you may not be ready for a real relationship yourself.
6. He's broken.
Bad boys always have their demons, and it makes them mysterious and oh so fascinating. We usually gravitate towards these wounded, tormented, suffering souls in an effort to fix them and save them from their anguish.
As romantic as this may seem to some of us with the Florence Nightingale complex, in reality it just means future suffering for ourselves. Skip the fixer-upper and go for the guy with the solid foundation.
7. He's sexy and sexual.
He's got the moves, and there's a good reason: he's had lots of practice. While there's a slight chance that you'll be his last conquest, it's much more likely that you're just one of many numbers somewhere in between his first and his last.
It's better to go with the guy that might not be as experienced, but you can learn to satisfy each other amazingly. And the best part of being with the nice guy is that it keeps getting better and better.
8. He's very romantic.
Bad boys know how to romance us, usually right into bed. They pull out all the stops, put us up on that wonderful pedestal, and treat us like queens—at least for the short time they're still interested.
While love songs and surprise roses are wonderful, what's really romantic is down the road when he doesn't mind swinging by the store on his way home to buy milk, or when he takes the kids out to the park for an hour so that you can have a relaxing bubble bath alone.
Trust me, go for the nice, trustworthy, stable guy, You'll be amazed at the romance that awaits you.
Jane Garapick knows firsthand what it's like to have a broken heart, a broken dream and a broken you. She writes about adventures on the rocky road to finding Mr. Right at www.gettingtotruelove.com. To get started on your own personal journey to true love, download Jane's complimentary guide "Find Your True Love: 10 Simple Steps to Getting the Love You Want...and Deserve"