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Why you may be inadvertently destroying your shot at love.
By James Allen Hanrahan — Last updated on Dec 27, 2023
You have it all, and you know it.
You're smart, you're confident, you have a great career that you worked hard for. You are a strong woman.
You're probably also an Alpha woman.
Don't get me wrong, that's not a bad thing.
Strong men like strong women. But sometimes your Alpha woman energy can turn men off.
It's not your strength that's a turn-off, but some of the less inviting aspects of being in your masculine energy.
If you feel like it never works out with guys who are your equals — emotionally and intellectually — then you might not be treating them like they're equals.
Here are some ways, from a man's point of view, that strong women go from exciting to a serious turn-off.
Here are 3 ways your best qualities might scare men off:
1. You're enthusiastic, so you talk a lot
You're talking fast, and you have a lot to say, and there's nothing wrong with that.
But sometimes strong women talk a lot in a way that shuts down conversation for anyone but themselves.
Men also notice that the tone is somewhat hard, if not downright abrasive, and they don't feel invited into the conversation.
You can be a powerful Alpha woman without dominating a conversation.
If you want to meet a guy who is your emotional and intellectual equal, you're going to need to slow it down so he can join in.
2. You're authoritative, so you take control
You're a strong, intelligent woman, and that's great. Men LOVE intelligence.
And as an alpha woman, coming off as authoritative works at work. It puts you in a position of leadership and people look up to you.
The challenge is not knowing when to stop putting yourself in a position of authority.
When you meet a man you like, it's time to shift gears, because a strong man doesn't want a woman who is authoritative over him. He wants an equal.
And you being authoritative isn't going to work in a balanced relationship, because you'll just seem controlling.
And there's nothing attractive about a controlling woman, and it's only going to attract weak men.
3. You're a serious person, so you never let people see your soft or playful side
When you're always being serious, it's a sign you're in your masculine energy.
Accomplished men know that humor is the key to success.
If they notice you're not laughing, they'll get a sense that you're about to try to sell them on how much you know — and that's not the same as communicating or relating to the guy you're with.
Talking fast, being authoritative, and being serious are great skills for business. People will follow you, and you'll have a lot of success.
When you're not at work, you need to show that there is something playful about you.
Strong, good men love intelligent women. They will find you exciting and stimulating to talk to, but before you can become lovers, these strong men need to see if you can shift gears.
They want to know your feminine energy side. The side that isn't controlling isn't trying to dominate situations, and they can be their full, powerful selves alongside you.
Once they see it, they know there's a place for them to be the men that they are.
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James Allen Hanrahan is a dating and relationship coach for women based in Los Angeles. He's also the author of A Life of Love and Dating Advice for Alpha Women.