Discover what your body language says about you.
We all can agree that confidence is a trait that is highly attractive when looking for a mate. There is just something about confident people that puts your mind at ease and makes it easier to engage with them.
Sure, they probably have some issues of their own to work out, but they don't wear it on their sleeves. Overall, they are pretty comfortable with who they are, and it shows in everything they do.
As a dating coach, I have had the opportunity to work with some great clients. They are smart, funny and have everything in the world to offer, but you wouldn't know it by the first glance.
We try not to judge a book by its cover, but sometimes, it's all we have to go on.
The way that a person walks, talks and moves can speak volumes to their character and ultimately be a deciding factor in whether or not you choose to approach them. Is your body language sending the right message to your potential suitors?
Here are four easy tricks to use your body language to boost your charm factor and attract more dates:
1. Keep a smile on your face.
Have you ever gone out of your way to speak with someone who frowns, scowls or consistently makes a "stink face?" Chances are the answer is no.
Your smile says a lot about you as a person, because when a person smiles, it generally means that they are happy and confident in who they are as a person. Having an inviting smile is a powerful tool that not only lets people know that you are approachable, but it also allows you to flirt and communicate your likes and/or dislikes without saying a word.
2. Back straight, stomach in and chest out.
The military gets it right when it comes to appearing confident and authoritative. Most people don't even know the image they are projecting when they are standing around or even just walking on the street.
For example, slumpers tend to look lazy, insecure and scared of the world around them. People who walk at a slow pace are typically more laid back but very detail oriented, while speed walkers tend to be more impatient and distracted.
Then you have the stompers. People who stomp tend to be attention seekers. They are often demanding and can be slightly unapologetic when it comes to the feelings of people who surround them. People who walk very softly tend to be overly considerate and go to great lengths to avoid conflict.
I could go on and on, but I'm pretty sure you get where I am going with this.
Make it a point to stand up straight and walk tall. The key is to find that balance and understand how your body moves so you can control the messages you are sending out.
Just a warning though, don't overdo it. You want to appear calm, cool and collected. Too much control will make you look like a robot. Nobody likes a stick in the mud.
3. Avoid making fast talk.
Don't be a motor mouth. Talking too fast is not only confusing to the person on the receiving end, but it also shows that you may not be putting a lot of thought into what you are saying.
Try to speak at a steady pace and practice finding the rhythm in your words. Don't forget to watch your breathing. When you are engaging, it's OK to pause every now and then, because it shows that you are thoughtful, intelligent and mean what you say. This also allows you to choose your words wisely.
4. Use your hands.
This one is a biggie, especially for men. Women love men with nice hands, especially when they know how to use them. You should definitely take advantage of this by using them to send signals of confidence.
Learn how to incorporate them into your communication. Try not to fidget or use shaky movements. Relax and use fluid motions to express and emphasize certain words during the conversation. It shows your counterpart that you know how to express yourself and feel comfortable in doing so.
Again, find the balance in the movement, as too much will make you look more feminine than you may be comfortable with. Give it a shot, and see how it works for you.
Need some help? Try this action challenge: Ask a friend to do an honest imitation of you. This will give you an idea as to how others see you and allow you to make changes in areas you wish to improve.
If you don't have a friend who you can trust to do this or just do not feel comfortable in asking for some help with this, you can also do it for yourself. Jump in front of a mirror and evaluate yourself in these four areas. Be honest with yourself, and play around with some of these ideas to figure out what works best for you.
Besides being a YourTango Dating Expert, J. Cameron Gantt is the Head Dating Coach at Insti(Gay)tor, a Chicago-based LGBT matchmaking agency. Need advice? Contact him directly via YourTango.com/experts or visit www.instigaytor.com for more info.