50 Things You Should Try For Hotter Sex
ProConnect

Use Your Actions: When 'I Love You' Isn't Enough

By

Relationship Coach: Expressing Love Through Actions
Even though you're hearing those three words, do you feel loved?
Relationship reality check: it's time to explore practical ways our actions speak louder than words.

Last week I sat in a Verizon store with 50 million other people on iPhone Launch Day. Unlike everyone else, I was not looking for a fabulous upgrade.  I was waiting in line to do something I had committed to do — two weeks ago. It was time for a relationship reality check.

My husband had asked me to replace his decrepit, old phone because the account is in my name. I told him I would, but never got around to it. On iPhone Launch Day, in the middle of the afternoon, his phone literally broke in half. And, I confronted a simple truth: sometimes "I love you" isn’t enough. For healthy relationships, the magic words need to combine with practical action.    

More from YourTango: Is Nagging Worse For Your Marriage Than Cheating?

How often do we say the magic words, "I love you", and then act in ways that communicate something else? Here are some examples to illustrate my point:

  • New Mom: While my partner goes to a daily job and interacts with the world, my big outings are to Costco and Safeway. For 10 months I consistently say, "I need a date", but you smile and reply, "I want to stay home with my two beauties because I love you." Really? Show me the love. Make a dinner reservation!
  • New Father: I change both diapers and engine oil, but I can't show up on your radar. We had tons of bedtime fun when our baby was a twinkle in my eye. But now, when I make a move, you say, "I love you, but not tonight" — for 9 months. Really? Show me the love. Talk to me about a potential solution.     
  • Husband: I've supported your eBay business and trusted you with using our joint credit card to fund it. But you charged twice the amount we agreed. Now, you blow off my concern with a flippant response that ends with, "I love you." Really? Show me the love. Keep our financial agreements. 
  • Girlfriend: It was your week to pick up dry cleaning. I need my power suit for tomorrow's marketing meeting. You came home at 10:00 pm without the dry cleaning — for the second time in four weeks. You tell me I'll rock in whatever I wear. You know this because you love me.  Really? Show me the love. Remember the dry cleaning.    
  • Boyfriend: I'm running late for work. I feed the dog, but I ask you to let him out before you leave an hour later. You agree, but head out and forget about the dog. He's an 85 pound coonhound with a big bladder. I get home first and break out Nature's Miracle.  You laugh it off and say, "But I love you." Really? Show me the love. Let the dog out.       
  • Wife: We divided the household chores and you got the bathroom. We each agreed to do our cleaning chores weekly. But now I think things are growing in the toilet and the sink is taking on a new color. I fear contamination. You laugh and say you'll eventually get around to it because you love me. Really? Show me the love. Sanitize the bathroom.

Elizabeth Barrett Browning penned the immortal words, "How do I love thee? Let me count the ways." In a sonnet, she eloquently enumerates the many ways she loves an unnamed someone. Who do we love? If actions speak louder than words, how will we show our love to spouses or partners today? Maybe it's time to fuel the magic words, "I love you" with daily practical action.  

More from YourTango: The Big Stuff: Have You Saved Enough For Life's Important Events?

More relationship coach advice from YourTango:

Share this with someone you love (or even like a lot)!

Let's make it
FB official
Article contributed by
Advanced Member

Gina Binder

Counselor/Therapist

Gina Binder is a Resident in Counseling who helps couples and individuals find the change they need to live the life they desire.  She practices under the clinical supervision of Katherine Rosemond, LPC.  If you're in Northern Virginia, contact Gina for a free 15-minute phone consultation - to see what's possible for you or your relationship.   

To jumpstart change in your relationship, grab Gina's FREE report, How to Make Your Relationship Work When Something's Wrong.     

Location: Manassas, VA
Credentials: MA
Other Articles/News by Gina Binder:

Real Communication For Real Change: Must-Read Couples Advice

By

When the winds of change blow, partners often respond to the situation differently. One may see a specific problem and want something in the relationship to change, while the other seems blissfully ignorant, irritatingly inattentive, and maybe even downright obstinate. So what happens from there? One partner wants to initiate change and opens up communication. ... Read more

How You Measure Change Could Matter More Than You Think

By

You know it's time for change. You've set everything up: a new diet or exercise plan, a proposed budget, a schedule of counseling appointments, a new program to discipline your children or spend quality time with your spouse. All your hope is riding on the new plan... So...How do you expect change to happen? Many of us hope that big change ... Read more

Is Nagging Worse For Your Marriage Than Cheating?

By

Is nagging really so bad? I've been married to a divorce lawyer for 26 years and he's never claimed that nagging is worse for a marriage than cheating. After all, most of us seem to think of nagging as annoying, but pretty benign and harmless. And some of us feel like we'll never get what we want unless we ask for it in 50 million ways. Yet almost a ... Read more

See More

Recent Expert Posts
Cuffs

Emotional Vampires: Skills for Dealing with the Narcissist

Expert, Margaret Jacobson shares insights gained from Albert Bernstein's, book Emotional Vampires

Smooches

One-liners Guaranteed to Turn Up the Heat

Want some off the hook sex tonight? Use words as foreplay!

Make A Move

Forgiveness : The Most Important "F-Word".

Forgive so that the past no longer holds you back. It is time to move forward.

Ask The Experts

Have a dating or relationship question?
Visit Ask YourTango and let our experts and community answer.

Resources
How to find the right pro for you
10 Reasons Mental Health Pros Should Join YourTango Experts

10 Reasons Mental Health Pros Should Join YourTango Experts

YourTango Experts can help your business go from good to great.

10 Steps To Improve Your Coaching Business

Take your coaching business from mediocre to great in no time…

Frequently Asked Questions About YourTango Experts

Thinking of joining? Here's all the facts you need to know to make the most of your membership.

Getting Your Guy To Join You In A Therapy Or Coaching Session

So how can your get your strong, self-reliant, superman to talk to an Expert with you?

Therapist/Counselors: Who We Are & What We Do

What exactly does a therapist/counselor do and can they really help?

See more resources>
HOT STUFF!
FROM OUR PARTNERS