You can last longer together.
When a man is troubled by premature orgasms and ejaculation, a couple's sex life can be extremely disappointing for both parties, and often leads to couples ceasing having sex altogether and sometimes even to the end of the relationship entirely.
Yet, premature ejaculation can be worked through and overcome, and it is considerably easier and more enjoyable when you approach it together as a team.
While many researchers like to define premature ejaculation as ejaculation that occurs within a particular amount of time (often said to be 2 minutes), personally, I think Wikipedia’s statement is more accurate, “Today, most sex therapists understand premature ejaculation as occurring when a lack of ejaculatory control interferes with sexual or emotional well-being in one or both partners.”
True ejaculatory choice is ultimately achievable by any man — defined as ejaculation occurring only when and if a man chooses to.
If your man is suffering from rapid orgasms and ejaculation, however, at this point, you might just want him to last a bit longer, so let's start there. Here are 3 simple tips that can definitely help your man not finish quite so quickly in the bedroom.
TIP #1: The first, and most fundamental step, is to commit to shifting into a state of unconditional love and acceptance.
No matter how frustrated you are, chances are he is even more frustrated. It's incredibly frustrating to lack control over one's own body.
Not to mention, he may be beating himself up really hard about this. It is likely affecting his feelings of self-worth and sense of masculinity, and he may have simply given up all hope that he could be any other way.
He may have come to identify with the premature ejaculation as part of who he is, versus something that he is experiencing (and thus is changeable). Realize that no matter what his behaviors, words or actions are around this, chances are he's hurting.
Commit today to shifting into a state of unconditional love, acceptance and total support for your man through this process. Know that overcoming this requires both physical and psychological changes, and one of the biggest ways you can help him is to be there at his side through the process 100 percent.
TIP #2: Get physical — Start Kegeling together!
If you aren't familiar with Kegel exercises, now's the time to get familiar.
Kegels are a set of exercises that strengthen your pelvic floor muscles, and they're highly recommended for both women and men. They will strengthen your orgasms and make it easier for you to have them while making it easier for him to delay ejaculation. (They have many other amazing benefits, as well).
Press into his perineum (that space between his testicles and his bum) with your middle two fingers. As you do so, ask him to try to contract the muscle under your fingers. If you feel it suddenly get harder and contract under your fingers, he's got it.
Pressing there will also make it easier for him to locate the muscles and be able to tell when he's contracted them. To get started, simply have him squeeze and release the muscle 25 times. That's it.
While this won’t help his premature ejaculation, it can be a lot of fun and increase your sexual pleasure in the process, so hey, why not?
He can push his fingers either into that space between your vagina and your anus, while you contract, or even better, place a finger or two (or something else!) inside of your vagina while you practice squeezing around it. Same set of muscles and a whole lot more fun! Again, 25 squeezes and releases and you're on your way.
TIP #3: Slow down and breathe.
If sex for you is a race to the finish line, don't be surprised when he keeps coming out ahead.
Slow down! Then slow down some more. And then... even more.
In fact, you can even play with sitting on top of him, with his penis inside of you and not move at all. Simply enjoy the sensation and closeness of your bodies enmeshed in this way, and explore slow, deep breathing together.
When men start to get aroused, there is a tendency to start breathing more shallowly and more quickly (or even stop breathing entirely!) at the same time the muscles start to tense up. All of these things actually help to rapidly send him towards ejaculation, and he may not even realize he's doing it.
By taking control on top, you can encourage him to relax his body when you notice it tensing, as well as help him bring attention to his breathing patterns and simply enjoy these slow, deep inhales and exhales.
As you bring in more movement, maintain the slow, deep breathing patterns and continue to help him relax his body if it starts to tense up. It will make a huge difference!