In survey after survey, men rate "premature ejaculation" as one of their top two sexual concerns (the other being "penis size"). When a man is troubled by premature ejaculation, a couple's sex life can be extremely disappointing for both parties, and often leads to couples ceasing having sex altogether and sometimes even to the end of the relationship entirely. Yet, premature ejaculation can be worked through and overcome, and it is considerably easier and more enjoyable when you approach it together as a team.
While many researchers like to define premature ejaculation as ejaculation that occurs within a particular amount of time (often said to be 2 minutes), personally I think Wikipedia’s statement is more accurate, “Today, most sex therapists understand premature ejaculation as occurring when a lack of ejaculatory control interferes with sexual or emotional well-being in one or both partners.”
True ejaculatory choice is ultimately achievable by any man (defined as: ejaculation occurring only when and if a man chooses to). If your man is suffering from rapid ejaculation, however, at this point you might just want him to last a bit longer, so let's start there.
The first, and most fundamental step, is to commit to shifting into a state of unconditional love and acceptance.
No matter how frustrated you are, chances are he is even more frustrated. It's incredibly frustrating to lack control over one's own body. Not to mention, he may be beating himself up really hard about this. It is likely affecting his feelings of self-worth and sense of masculinity, and he may have simply given up all hope that he could be any other way. He may have come to identify with the premature ejaculation as part of who he is, versus something that he is experiencing (and thus is changeable). Realize that no matter what his behaviors, words or actions are around this, chances are he's hurting.
Commit today to shifting into a state of unconditional love, acceptance and total support for your man through this process. Know that overcoming this requires both physical and psychological changes, and one of the biggest ways you can help him is to be there at his side through the process 100 percent. If he feels pressured by you to overcome his premature ejaculation, it's going to have the opposite effect (much like a man pressuring a woman to have an orgasm. It just doesn't work!)
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To really make this advice work, you need to follow these action steps to complete today's challenge.
Right now, I want you to:
Make a commitment to yourself and your partner to work on this for the next 3 months. Change takes time and while you can see exciting results very quickly, some of this work will require that you both are patient. Decide today that you're committing to seeing this through and don't put undue pressure on yourself or your partner to fix this overnight.
Within 7 days I want you to:
Identify the sexual exchanges you have that are most likely to lead to premature ejaculation and those that do not. Are there acts that can feel sabotaging whenever you try them? Are there any that lead to feeling connected without feeling pressured? Add those positive interchanges to your regular activities to help support feeling connected in a relaxed way.
By the end of the challenge I want you to:
Create a plan for regular pleasurable connection that is not tied to an orgasm. Consider foreplay, massage and forms of non-sexual touch that are pleasurable and allow you to feel connected. Think through what works for you both and identify any surprising situations where you feel deeply connected with little pressure.