If dating has become a part-time job for you, it may be time to step back.
"I'm just not going to date for awhile" is a frequent refrain I hear from my clients. There's often a lack of enthusiasm and resolve in the delivery, signaling ambivalence. You're probably familiar with the idea of burnout with respect to repetitive, boring jobs or highly stressful work situations. Fatigue and a lack of interest in your work are among the signs. Actually, you can burn out on almost anything, including dating. Here are the tell-tale signs of dating burnout and strategies to avoid it:
1. You've just lost all interest in new dates. You should ask yourself why you're pursuing someone at all if you can barely muster the enthusiasm to get ready. Or perhaps you've lowered the bar too much and your dates really aren't interesting. In either case, it's time to focus on something else.
Instead, rekindle interest in something you've put on the back burner, so to speak. When dating takes over all of your spare time, you push away other interests that help keep you calm, sane, and less stressed. De-stress by pursuing those other interests. You'll probably find your lackluster interest being replaced with new energy from success in other challenges.
2. You overthink each date. It's great to consider how the date went and what you might like to do differently next time. When you spend the whole day ruminating about what you should have said on that date, it's a good sign you're heading toward burnout.
Instead, be authentic. You won't have to think as much. Consider the people with whom you can be real. You can probably be real with your family, friends or at work. Spend a little energy thinking about what you can do to boost your enjoyment with these people. Then bring that positive energy to each date and be yourself — your best self.
3. You obsess about the dating scene ad nauseam. Of course you should put energy into any enterprise if it's going to be successful. That said, pouring over each dating website, your profile, where the best meet-ups are and what you need to do to be better at dating is probably a bit over-the-top. When you're staying up way too late to get in more time online just to tweak or search a little more, you're heading toward burnout. Keep reading...
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