Challenge

3 Steps To Sharing Sexual Fantasies With Your Partner

By

3 Steps To Sharing Sexual Fantasies With Your Partner
How to uncover and share your sexual fantasies with your partner.

My work is about helping couples who are committed and really love each other recover their passion. There are many reasons for this, and of course each couple is different. There is no cookie cutter solution that fits everyone.

One of the challenges that I have noticed for many couples encounter that over time, however, is that they have lost some of their spontaneity, some of their imagination and they become a little more reserved and guarded with each other. They stop (or perhaps have never started) sharing their sexual fantasies with each other. They have many reasons for this, which I will address later in this article.

Sharing, exploring and acting out your fantasies is a really important part of keeping the passion alive in a long-term relationship. Once the newness of a relationship wears off, once the novelty has passed, we begin to move out of that "honeymoon" stage.

Biologically, we are novelty-seeking creatures. From an evolutionary psychology standpoint, being interested in a wide, diverse gene pool is good for the survival of the species. 20 Reasons To Have Sex Right Now

For the survival of the relationship, however, we must take steps to stay passionate and aroused about our long-term partner. We must create a fresh relationship each day. Part of that is to share our imagination, our fantasies, our longings and desires with our partner. Doing this means we can stay with the same partner but have the relationship feel new. 

So, what are the blocks to sharing fantasies? Really, they fall into three categories:
1. I don't know what my fantasies are.
2. I have shame and self-judgment over the fantasies that I AM aware of.
3. I'm afraid that my partner will have judgment over the fantasies that I am aware of.

The key to sharing your fantasy with your partner is to overcome each of these three categories of block. They are interconnected, but I'll address each one separately. Be aware of the fact that this is a process, and as one block begins to crumble, the others may also become less restricting.

The first block of "not knowing" is more accurately "not connecting" to your fantasies. They are inside your psyche, whether you are fully conscious of them or not. I encourage you to set up a time and place where you can be alone. Play the music that will set the tone, light the candle or spray the scent that will take you there, adjust the lighting. Set the mood to call forth your fantasies into your awareness.

And literally, that is exactly what you will be doing, calling them forth. Say it to yourself, write it down, say it out loud or, even, into an audio recorder: "I wish to become aware of my sexual fantasies." Take a deep breath, hold it for a moment and then release it.

Repeat this a few times. And say again, "I wish to become aware of my sexual fantasies." And begin to write or speak. Write or speak WHATEVER enters your mind. Don't censor yourself! No one but you will have see or hear this, until YOU are ready to share it. Let yourself go! The Truth About Acting Out Your Fantasies

Keep reading...

More Juicy Content From YourTango:

To really make this advice work, you need to follow these action steps to complete today's challenge.

Right now, I want you to:

Sit down alone in a quiet, sensual atmosphere and fully imagine your fantasy. Write down as many of the details as you can. If writing isn't your thing, you can speak it into an audio recorder or your smartphone.

Within 7 days I want you to:

Practice the affirmations recommended to deal with the second and third blocks. Begin to prepare whatever "ingredients" you will need for your fantasy including clothing, "equipment," and location. Share with your partner that sometime in the next 30 days, he/she will need to reserve time and romantic energy for you to share and live out your fantasy together.

By the end of the challenge I want you to:

Share and act out your fantasy with your partner. AND, share the above keys with your partner, so that you can act out his/her fantasy next month!

Share this with someone you love (or even like a lot)!

Let's make it
FB official
Recent Expert Posts
Yes No Maybe

Rules For Emailing Your Ex-Spouse

Pretend like you and your ex-spouse are lifelong business partners, because you are.

How To Use Forgiveness To Have Better Sex

Forgiving your partner and losing resentment is a key step towards better sex.

Kegel Your Way To Better Sex

Doing Kegel exercises daily will improve your orgasms... and your sex life.

Ask The Experts

Have a dating or relationship question?
Visit Ask YourTango and let our experts and community answer.

Resources
How to find the right pro for you
10 Reasons Mental Health Pros Should Join YourTango Experts

10 Reasons Mental Health Pros Should Join YourTango Experts

YourTango Experts can help your business go from good to great.

10 Steps To Improve Your Coaching Business

Take your coaching business from mediocre to great in no time…

Frequently Asked Questions About YourTango Experts

Thinking of joining? Here's all the facts you need to know to make the most of your membership.

Getting Your Guy To Join You In A Therapy Or Coaching Session

So how can your get your strong, self-reliant, superman to talk to an Expert with you?

Therapist/Counselors: Who We Are & What We Do

What exactly does a therapist/counselor do and can they really help?

See more resources>
HOT STUFF!
FROM OUR PARTNERS