My Unfulfilled Fantasy: Same-Sex Hookups
I've had crushes on women my entire life, but I've never gotten around to dating one.
When I was leaving for college, my high school friends predicted two things would occur once I fled the nest, away from my WASP-y parents: 1) I'd become a chain smoker to complete my poetry-reading, philosophy-pondering image, and 2) I'd get it on with girls. The Frisky: Documentary Suggests All Women Are Gay
After four years at hippie-dippy NYU, surprisingly, neither of these predictions came true. Alas, while I still have no interest whatsoever in getting lung cancer, I do still have an interest in hooking up with girls. Except these days, I'm pretty much convinced it's never going to happen. The Frisky: 8 Sex "Mistakes" We Don't Regret From College
If you asked me to define my sexual orientation, I would say "straight," because that's the quick answer—but the real answer is more "straight-ish." I've only dated men and had sex with men, but I've had intense crushes on women my whole life. That's not enough to say "bisexual" in my book, but enough to say "straight-ish." The Frisky: How To be A Good Hookup
It started in 9th grade with Carly. She was my first kiss ever during a game of spin-the-bottle. To my utter surprise, she asked me to be her date to Homecoming! One day, hanging out on her bed, talking about our dresses, my hormones were bleeping and blooping off the charts—I wanted to kiss her. But did I take Carly in my arms and plant a big lusty smooch on her? Hell, no. I was way too scared. The Frisky: MERRIMe, A New Web Comedy About Online Dating
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Discussion
I have always wondered what it was like I have been dating a guy that I discussed these feelings with. He encouraged me to find someone to be with and he wanted to watch. We broke up briefly and during that time i did hook up with a woman. It was different, and exciting and I wanted to learn more and do more as soon as it was over. My bf and I got back together and he was pissed that I did it without him! Well we have been on and off while we were apart I had one more experinece without him. He ffels i betrayed him being with another woman without him with me and now we have a threesome planned but i feel he is back together with me because of this not because he loves me like he says. How do I know if it is truly because he loves me or because of these threesome sexual encounters? Talk about a mess!
You did not betray your boyfriend my fulfilling your fantasy without him. It is your fantasy, not his. You should never, ever have sex with someone for him, only for you. If that ends up being with him, great. The point is, the sex has to be for you, not him.
How do you know if he is back with you because he loves you or because of the threesome? Don't have a threesome with him!
Whether or not you want to have a threesome with him, you need to explain that it was something you did for yourself and he has no right to complain. If you do it again, it will be something you do for yourself. Ask him how he would feel if you did it by yourself without him watching.
I think this woman is driving herself crazy worrying about might have beens. For one thing, she's only been with this guy 6 months. It might not last forever. Mostly, though, I think it's not helpful to sit around thinking about the things you will never experience. It just makes you feel deprived and want to cheat.
I can relate on this. I would call myself straight, yet i often find myself thinking about what it would be like to sleep with another woman-i think its the unknown of it all. I find women beautiful, far more so then men in terms of physical attractivness, but iv never met a woman i fancy or have had any romantic feelings for. So although the idea of girl on girl action appeals, my problem is finding someone i would want to have sex with. and just sex. No cuddles after or any form of extended relationship. Which makes me think i make the most confusing girlfriend for a male, and the worst bisexual ever!
OMG someone else who feels the same way! I consider myself pansexual (a more gender-open version of bisexual) and like you I've had very intense crushes on women but never any experience with them. You at least seemed to have women going for you!
I also have a boyfriend, 3 years running, and we're in an open-ish relationship mainly for my benefit - so that I could explore this other aspect of my sexuality. He doesn't need to watch (he'd like to but that doesn't mean I'd let him) or even be involved in any way - my connection with women is mine alone.
Problem is though that I still can't find any women to hook up with! I'm not after major commitment, just some physical intimacy and a good snuggle. I'm slowly making my way through the local lesbian community but I seem to give off major "straight" vibes - and there's still some stigma against bisexuality. (And it doesn't help that I seem to fall for STRAIGHT women. bah.)
so hey! good to know we're not alone in this.
