How To Stay Engaged And Present In Your Relationship


How To Stay Engaged And Present In Your Relationship
An engaging exercise that will help you both feel connected and avoid conflict.

In my previous post about effective communication, I explained the importance of expressing yourself freely. In this post, I provide you with an exercise for you to work on together to understand each other without slipping into bigger conflicts.

"Engagement" is a buzzword today throughout the world. Seriously, I'm not exaggerating. I've been observing the corporate world as well as the social arena, and almost everyone is talking about how to engage your employees, managers, affiliate partners, teenagers, friends, children, family, etc.


Here I'm focusing strictly on both of you as a couple. Both of you who are starting your lives together and have decided to take the first steps to learn how to cherish your relationship and preserve it forever. You're building the foundation and establishing the nest for your children to be nurtured, feel secure, and safe.

When you engage with each other after you learn how to express yourself freely, you engage in a conversation in a calm, composed, and controlled manner. I call this process the "3C Me and You Flirt", which will become another free gift on my website in the near future.
Engaging in a dialogue is like dancing together to the rhythm of your blinking eyes; it’s like touching hands and moving closer together physically.

Here is one exercise that I teach during one stage of a session with my married clients. Try it together and see the magic happen:

  1. Face each other and sit comfortably, being open to each other.
  2. Breath naturally and easily as you look into each other's eyes. 
Really look into each other's eyes.
  3. Don't talk yet.
  4. Let the thoughts that crowd your mind pass by and let them go 
by breathing them out of your mind. Visualize with every breath 
that they are blown out with every exhalation.
  5. Admire your partner's eyes — their color and sparkle; go deeper to get a 
glimpse of his or her true essence.                                        
  6. Your emotions will start to shift and transform as you continue to 
look deeply into his or her eyes.
  7. Savor this practice of really and truly seeing each other. By doing this you are seeing your partner's true nature.
  8. Then put your back to your partner's front and breath together. Feel each other's breath and try to inhale and exhale together in a natural pattern.
  9. You are now breathing one another. 
Hold each other in this position for a few more minutes, savor it, enjoy it, and use it to make an imprint in your soul.

Before you did this exercise, you expressed yourself fully and you now provide your partner the opportunity to engage with you in a conversation to address the points about which you’ve expressed your views. But before you take this step follow the exercise mentioned above and then let them express themselves. So, either he or she agrees with you or he or she holds on to his or her own views.

When you follow these steps, engaging in your conversations will become one of the most precious moments to spend together.
You will love expressing yourselves, and will enjoy engaging in conversations.

In Part 3, you'll harmonize and grow. Check it out!

More love advice from Yourtango:

Article contributed by
Advanced Member

Amina Hedayat Khalil

Relationship Coach

Amina Hedayat Khalil, CPC, ELI-MP

Relationship and Strategic Intervention Coach and Wellness Consultant

Author of the forthcoming book Interpersonal Skills For Success

Tel: +1(517)507-0550

"If you believe in what you do and you can really help people, then you have a moral obligation to try and bring it to as many people as possible." Chet Holmes

Location: East Lansing, MI
Credentials: BA, CPC, ELI-MP
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