Self-awareness is a good thing.
We all want to be loved, to love, and to have love in our lives, and if we’re lucky, then we have all that love and more. But there are times when we put up road blocks to love. You may not even be aware that you’re doing something that prevents love from finding you or from blooming.
If you went through a bad breakup or had tragedy take place, you could justifiably be reticent to put yourself out there. Your friends and family want you to have as much love in your life and want you to be happy, so they may encourage you to pursue finding somebody before you’re ready, or maybe you aren’t aware of the pain you’re still carrying around with you.
There are times where we get out of the habit of being with someone. The solo life can be great and you can get used to being alone; there’s no law that says that everybody must be coupled up.
No one should feel as if they’re required to be in a relationship. It’s much better to be in a place enjoying your autonomy than stuck in a toxic relationship. But if you truly think you want to be with someone, then you need to be honest with yourself and determine if it’s you who’s holding you back from love.
Sometimes we need to get out of our own way and we need to be more proactive when it comes to finding a partner. You need to look closely at your behavior and attitude. If you met someone for the first time, what kind of vibe are you giving off? Do you seem open and loving or kind of scary?
You need to make yourself available for love. You're constantly moving, competing and challenging, and all this action prevents you from taking the time to get to know someone and for love to happen. Slow down and understand that while the chase is fun, what happens after the chase is when the real good stuff happens.
You need to get rid of all the anger you've been hanging on to. When you stop holding on to grudges, misdeeds and slights, your heart will be more open to receiving love. Negativity is like a sponge that expands: the more you put into it, when you release it, it allows more positivity to enter your life.
You need to stop thinking that you'll never be able to commit to one person as it's becoming a self-fulfilling prophecy. You have the capability of loving one person for the rest of your life, you just need to believe it. You can do this if you set your mind to it and trust that you've chosen the right person for you. You aren't settling.
You need to unfollow and unfriend all your exes on Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, and anywhere else you have some connection to them. When you obsess about the past, you become blinded to the possibilities of the present. When you stalk your exes and dissect every piece of information of their lives, you're avoiding your own life.
For love to find you, you must stop focusing exclusively on what you want and become more open to the needs of other people. If you make it all about you all the time, then there's no place for another person. Pay attention to what's happening around you and really listen when other people are talking instead of figuring out what you're going to say next.
You need to get out of your routine and start being more spontaneous. When you're more open to the possibilities, you'll be surprised at what can happen. You'll see things, meet people, and do things that you'd normally miss. It's kind of hard to find love if you do the same things all the time and never get out of your comfort zone.
You need to be vulnerable to find love. You tend to hide your true self and feelings under a veneer of charisma and charm. It's great being the life of the party, but you're so busy being amazing that you never take the time to really talk to someone and see anything past their public persona. Show who you really are and be open to the truth of other people — you're going to like what you see.
You need to release any residual negative energy you have from past obsessions. When you fall in love, you fall hard, and when it's over, you have a tough time accepting it. But if you're too busy plotting revenge or how to get your boo back, you'll overlook any potential partners who are right under your nose.
You need to slow down. You tend to fall in love quickly and when things get a little more complicated, you get so overwhelmed that you either end it abruptly or you just leave and break up by text. If you want something that's a little more lasting than a week, then take the time to fully get to know someone and get to the point where you can develop an enduring love.
You need to have some fun. You tend to work, go home, work at home, and go back to work. You hardly ever go on vacation and you rarely do something just because you enjoy it. Loosen up. Go to a club or a bar or take a class — anything that is fun and where you can meet people. Indulge in your silly side and don't forget to smile because that smile is going to get you noticed in the best way possible.
You need to let go of the fear that if you love someone, you forfeit your independence. You can have autonomy and still be in a relationship. You won't lose the core of what makes you who you are if you love somebody else; if anything you will probably become even more evolved. Your relationship doesn't have to be traditional or like anyone else's. You can make your own kind of relationship with the right partner.
You need to let your guard down. It may seem foolish and scary to let love into your life again but it's worth it. You've been burned but you've learned from your past experiences no matter how painful they might have been. There's no guarantee that you won't be hurt again, but if you don't try to love again, you won't get to experience the wonderment and joy that true love brings.