Dear Lazy Wives: Lose The Yoga Pants And Wear The DAMN Lingerie

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Love, Self

If YOU won't wear lingerie for your husband, who will?

I was at a mom’s event listening to all the woman chatter. One mom told me how she loved her yoga pants.

“I live in them,” she said.

"They’re comfortable," I offered.

My husband says I wear them too much. He complained. He asked if I would buy some sexy lingerie. He wants me to wear lingerie for him rather than these.”

She pointed down to her yoga pants and continued on, “I’m NOT wearing lingerie for him.” She snorted, chuckling like it was the most insane request a husband could make for a wife.

Before walking away I told her, "I think you should. I'm sure you'll look great." 

Because if she’s not wearing lingerie for him, who is she wearing it for? And if she's not wearing lingerie for him, who will instead?


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Isn’t your husband the one person you should wear lingerie for? I mean, it’s OK to have your hot fantasies about that random guy at the gym or your old boyfriend from college, but shouldn’t this woman — shouldn’t every woman — want to wear lingerie for their husbands?

Isn't there something to be said about the fantasy and magic around lingerie? When you're wearing it you're another person. You can truly be any woman you want. It's taking a break from the outside world and enjoying a little fantasy. It's taking some time out of your life to feel and look special.

So really, if you're not wearing it for your husbands, why not for yourself?

I hear you nay-sayers: Lingerie is uncomfortable.

OK, truth; sometimes it is. The corsets. The garters and stockings. Jeez, they're not always easy to get on. I get it. Half the time it takes twenty minutes just to secure "one stocking." But it's not always uncomfortable, and sure, it may take time to get yourself "situated," but good things come to those who wait.

So isn’t it worth it to find something you feel comfortable and unforgettably sexy in? Isn’t it rewarding to wear something sexy and recognize how beautiful you are? I hate pantyhose to the ninth degree, but a pair of thigh-highs in the bedroom? What fun!

Lingerie is for him. What about me?

But is it really about him? Sure. It can be about him. It can be to satisfy his fantasy, to satisfy his desire to look a little longer at your breasts, neck, stomach, butt, or thighs.

Don’t you want to look sexy for the one person you’re sleeping with? Don’t you want him to find you appealing? You wear yoga pants every day; perhaps you might want to put in a little effort.

I can't imagine someone wanting to look "unsexy" for their partner. Is that your end goal? To turn off your partner so much that he finds someone else, and you live on the couch watching Golden Girls alone for all time?


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And of course, ladies, the same goes for your man. Does he show up to bed in a dirty t-shirt? Is he earning spare tires by the minute? Does he look more and more like your father — and in a creepy way? Then yes, maybe wear those yoga pants to bed. Maybe don’t even go to bed with him.

Maybe do that marathon of Westworld night after night after night, or maybe show up in your lingerie and point out he’s slacking and time is running out for him to change.

Lingerie doesn’t look good on me.

In other words, you don’t feel comfortable with yourself.

So you gained an extra five, ten or twenty pounds. So you don’t look good in what you used to wear. So you don’t feel you look good at all, even though you haven’t gained an inch.

You can’t stand looking at your body. But your husband still does. Where does the problem lie? With him or with you? With him wanting to see you looking sexy in something special? Or you feeling painfully uncomfortable in your own skin?


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If you won’t wear it tonight, will you wear it tomorrow or next week? Next month or next year? When do you decide to be comfortable in your own skin? When do you decide to embrace what is and appreciate it — or change it if it doesn’t suit you?

Lingerie? Why is he so demanding?

He still wants you. He still values your body and wants to appreciate it. He still thinks you're the one he wants to touch and be with.

Is it being demanding or does it mean he still loves you? That he still wants to take his time admiring you, a work of art? That you still "do it for him." Isn't that amazing and rewarding in itself? Isn't that compelling enough to make you get into some garters?

Lingerie is for both parties. It’s for the viewer and the wearer. The wearer gets to enjoy the feeling — lace, silk, satin, cotton, whatever the fabric. The wearer gets to enjoy being viewed and viewing herself. Appreciating a moment to be pretty. The viewer only simply gets to look and, if lucky, partake in you, not the lingerie.

So to the wife who won’t get out of those yoga pants, I tell you this: Get out of those yoga pants and into that lingerie before he decides to ask someone else the same request.

Get out of those yoga pants before someone else wears lingerie for him.

Do it for him, and for you.

 

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