Photo: WeHeartIt
Mr. Ed's got nothing on him.
By Rebecca Jane Stokes — Written on Jan 06, 2017
Have you ever looked at the plastic animals your kids play with and thought "this is cool, but I'd like it more if it had a giant human-shaped plastic penis attached to it."
The chances are high that your response to this question is the word "no" perhaps screamed at the top of your lungs.
You are not alone.
Talking to your kids about the birds and the bees and the vagina and the penis is awkward enough when they're the right age.
But them wandering up to you at the age of 2 with a plastic horse and its penis shoved in your face going "what that?" sounds like a literal nightmare.
It's exactly what happened to one dad who would like to be referred to by his first name, Bob.
That's because when you take to the internet to talk about a penis you see, it's always good to use a fake name.
Cuts down on the mockery.
While his 2-year-old was playing with his newly acquired farm animals, Bob picked one up and noticed something alarming.
His kid's plastic horse had a penis.
And not a horse penis.
A human penis.
This isn't some sort of accidental glitch.
One look at you know:
Dude, that horse has a dick.
Unnerved he shared this revelation on Twitter and quickly discovered that there were other plastic animals out there with human penises of their own, and in one case, a human vagina.
Don't believe me?
BEHOLD ITS SPLENDOR:
Apparently, female horses get Brazilian waxes.
Who knew?
The company responsible for making these toys has yet to return with any explanation.
Which leads me to wonder, what is the point of these animals having human genitalia?
It's not species specific because this giraffe also has a penis, though admittedly its testicles are more impressive.
And while you'd think the king of the jungle would have a bigger penis, this smell but this little fellow can't be ignored:
It surely isn't meant to teach them about veterinary sciences as each penis is human in design and thus, anatomically incorrect.
Is this some vast, plastic penis based web conspiracy designed to teach parents the idea that gender is just a construct and a ridiculous one at that?
Probably not.
Probably it's just some jackass's idea of a practical joke or an accident that can be explained away by a penis-shaped bit of the plastic mold that has given each animal an accidental dick.
But I'm going to pretend it's a social message for good, prompting healthy dialogue about human anatomy and animal anatomy alike.
Until the big secret is revealed, you can find me in every toy store possible starting my new collection of animals who have a human penis.